Is anal sex pleasurable for all men? Anal sex is often thought of as only being for gay men or kinky heterosexual couples who like to mix up their game a bit. No matter a guy’s  sexual orientation, however – there is plenty of anal pleasure for men out there. Let’s count the ways.

Is Anal Sex Pleasurable For Men?

Many men report that prostate stimulation can be a wonderful enhancer of their sexual pleasure, especially when they are approaching orgasm and during ejaculation. But what exactly is the prostate? The prostate is a gland that is located below the bladder, above the penis, and in front of the rectum. In a healthy adult male, the prostate is about the size of a walnut, but it does grow bigger with age. The urethra runs through the prostate from the bladder to the penis. Approximately 30% of ejaculatory fluid comes from the prostate.

The prostate can be felt through digital palpation – by reaching with a finger up a man’s anus. Only about a third of the prostate can actually be stimulated with a finger due to its location in the body. Those who have felt a man’s prostate say it feels like the tip of a person’s nose. It can also feel like the padded part of the thumb where it meets the wrist. By feeling around a man’s prostate, you will also discover an indentation that runs down the center of it.

While stimulating a man’s prostate can be a pleasurable experience, having an orgasm solely from prostate touch is rare. Giving a man’s penis some attention at the same time will enhance the whole experience. Just before and during orgasm, the man’s prostate will feel like it is swelling. For some men, this is a great time to either press down on his prostate or to rub your finger around it. [Read up on our Top 4 Orgasm Techniques for Men.]

Prostate Stimulation Methods

While most prostate stimulation is done with fingers, there are other ways to give anal pleasure to men – such as with sex toys, another penis, or the tongue. When it comes to sex toys, the two main categories to choose from are butt plugs and dildos. Butt plugs are dildo-like objects that are flared at the base to prevent them from getting sucked into the rectum. They come in a wide variety of shapes, colors, and materials, and some of them even vibrate! Butt plugs will give the wearer a feeling of fullness in their rectum, and for some men, they derive pleasure from the naughtiness of the act.

Like butt plugs, dildos also come in a wide variety of choices. The main reason for playing with a dildo during anal sex is to be able to thrust into the anus. Your partner can do this by holding on to the dildo with their hand and thrusting, or using a strap-on harness.

Preparing to Stimulate the Prostate

In order to warm up their partner, many people choose to use anal massage or rimming. Rimming is when a partner licks around the anus. Both of these practices get the very sensitive nerve endings around the anus fired up (in a good way). They also help to facilitate the relaxing of the anus to make it more receptive. It is a good idea to use lube while doing anal massage. During the massage, focus on the outside and not on penetrating your partner yet. The thumbs are often the best part of the hand to use for this specific task.

Before trying to penetrate the anus, it is important to understand how it works. The rectum is guarded by two anal sphincters. They are rings of muscles, designed to help feces move out of the body and less so to help objects move into it. However, that does not mean they cannot be taught to open up and allow things in!

One of the sphincters is under conscious control – it’s the one we use to hold poop in when we really have to go. The second sphincter is under the control of our autonomic nervous system – meaning that we don’t have conscious control over it. And yet, it is possible to train this second sphincter to relax and open up when faced with an outside object.

Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure For Men

To become an expert guide to anal pleasure for men, first learn to relax your inner anal sphincter. One of the best ways to do this is to explore your own anus with a finger. Make a habit of doing a little anal exploration every time you take a shower. It doesn’t have to be a long session; just spending a bit of time getting your anus used to being caressed. This can teach it to relax.

After you have become comfortable playing on your own, you can begin to explore that male anal pleasure with a partner. Start with a lubed finger and make sure your fingernails are cut. Wearing a rubber glove can aid in the ease of inserting a finger. You should also always use condoms and lube with sex toys. After you become comfortable with a finger, you can begin to probe with other objects.

[Want more expert advice on how to give your guy the best orgasm of his life? Read up on our guide to What is Edging?]

The Three Keys to Anal Insertion

  1. Lube (and lots of it) – There is no such thing as too much lube, so re-apply often!
  2. Feedback – Another key aspect is to build trust with your partner and communicate throughout the whole process. If you start to feel pain, ask them to stop. When new to anal, it can be hard to differentiate between strange physical sensations and painful ones. However, it is always better to err on the side of caution; anal injuries are painful.
  3. Relaxation – One of the best ways to relax is to stay connected to your breath. Taking deep breaths throughout the experience will help get your body in a calm place and allow the muscles in your anus to relax. It’s important not to hold your breath during the experience, as this will only facilitate the clenching of the anus.

Once you have a penis, dildo, finger, etc. inserted into the rear end, resist the urge to just start thrusting with it. Instead, start to gently make circular motions. Ask your partner if they are ready for thrusting before starting to do so. If you get the green light, pull out slowly and all the way, add more lube, and then you start thrusting slowly. When you are ready to remove the object again, do so very, very slowly. Withdrawing too fast is incredibly painful for the receiver.

Anal Pleasure and Health

It is important to make sure you are keeping an eye on anal pleasure and health. Follow these simple rules:

  • Avoid Drugs and Alcohol – While it can be tempting to use drugs or alcohol to get into a relaxed place, resist the urge to do so. Sloppy sex can injure a rectum because you may be too desensitized to the pain. The same goes for numbing lubes like Anal Ease – avoid these and your anus will thank you later.
  • Keep the Area Clean – Rimming can be a very intimate and pleasurable experience as long as the anus is very clean and you have tested for STDs. You can spread hepatitis and parasites through rimming. To get it as clean as possible, you may want to consider shaving the area as bacteria can stick to the hair around the anus. As long as it’s clean and STD-free, go wild kissing and licking your man’s anus. And don’t be shy about getting lots of saliva in there!
  • Use Condoms – No matter whether you decide to give male anal pleasure with sex toys or a real penis, it is important to use condoms. When playing with dildos it is important to put a condom on it. Dildos are often made of porous materials that can collect fecal matter over time that can’t be washed out. Condoms are also important when choosing to use a real penis for anal penetration. Not only do they protect against STDs for both partners, they also prevent the penetrator from getting a UTI or prostatitis, which is inflammation of the prostate (a very painful condition).
  • Lube, Lube, Lube – Have we mentioned you should use lube? Since the walls of the rectum do not stretch and have no self-lubricating mechanism, it is critical to make sure you are using LOTS of lube. This is imperative to make the experience comfortable for the receiver, and not to tear the condom or the sensitive anal tissue of the bottom.

How a Sex Coach Can Help

Still not convinced whether anal sex is pleasurable for men? If you are a guy interested in exploring male anal pleasure, but have difficulty talking about it with your partner, you may want to recruit a sex coach. Both men and women can have discomfort around anal pleasure because of homophobia or fears around cleanliness, so it can be helpful to have a non-judgmental expert to support you in the conversation.

You may also want to hire a sexological bodyworker to help you learn about and experience anal and/or prostate massage.

Enjoy!

There is a whole new world of pleasure out there available to men (and women!) who are willing to try anal pleasure. Go slow, lube up, and have fun!

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Celeste Hirschman
Celeste Hirschman, MA is the Co-Creator of the Somatica® Method and Co-Founder of Somatica® Institute. She trains coaches in the Somatica® Method of Sex and Relationship Coaching. She has her own private practice in San Francisco, where she works with clients to have profoundly pleasurable and fulfilling lives. She has co-authored multiple academic articles published in peer-reviewed journals and is the co-author of two books, Cockfidence - The Definitive Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild and Making Love Real - The Intelligent Couples Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion. Celeste has her MA in Human Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University (SFSU) and her BA in Women’s Studies from the University of California, Santa Cruz (UCSC). Celeste has taken the Hakomi Pro-Skills Training as well as multiple other trainings on sexuality and relationships. Celeste also has a Certification in Sexological Bodywork from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS).