The body holds memories of our experiences, tensions, traumas, and pleasures alike. The yoni, or vulva, is no exception. The yoni, in fact, can hold some of our deepest and most vulnerable experiences. So what is a yoni massage – and can it provide healing benefits?
While our usual sexual experiences can help release some tension or trauma, often they remain elusive. In sex, we might physically avoid stimulating these points without realizing it. Or they are hidden deep in the tissue, and are more difficult to access. We might also not feel safe to completely go into these points in order to release them while engaging in sex with a partner. This is where yoni massage comes in.
What is a Yoni Massage?
Just like a therapeutic massage that intends to release tension throughout the body, a yoni massage releases tension from within the vagina.
The practice has roots in Tantra, where it is usually called yonic massage. Approaches to the practice are informed by the broad realm of Sacred Sexuality, mindfulness, and other forms of body work. Yonic massage goes by names like vulva massage or pelvic release therapy / pelvic floor therapy.
Yoni massage can be done yourself or with the help of a partner. Both techniques are described below. If working by yourself, a curved dildo is usually the most effective, but a magic wand or other dildo will work well. Make sure your toy is made of body-safe materials – silicone, metal, or glass are favorites – and use the appropriate oil or lube.
Yoni Massage Therapy Benefits
Yoni massage therapy can facilitate healing on both physical and emotional levels. Whether through physical abuse, sexual trauma, or even a history of sex we were not totally excited about, our yonis can develop nodules of tension. These areas might feel numb or overly sensitive.
Oftentimes, we are unaware of these sites. Our body does a great job of encapsulating these painful experiences and hiding them away as a survival technique. Through yoni massage therapy, we aim to find, access, and release these deeply-held tensions.
Some of the Benefits of Yoni Massage Therapy Include:
- More physical pleasure and less pain during sex
- Increased access to erotic energy and orgasm
- A better sense of connection to your body
- More profound sensations of wholeness
- A deeper sense of connection to self and your partner (especially when your partner participates in the practice)
- Increased freedom in intimate connection and sexual expression
Yoni Massage How To Guide
1. Set the Container
Time: Set aside an hour (at least) that you can be undisturbed and focused on the massage. Be mindful about what will happen after. Ensure you (and your partner, if you’re working with one) won’t have to do anything too intellectually, physically, or emotionally taxing afterwards. You’ll want ample “wind down” time to process whatever comes up or just let the experience settle.
Space: Prepare a comfortable space and set the mood for relaxation. Think dim lighting, candles, soft pillows, essential oils, and ambient music. Have your favorite oil on hand. If working with a toy, make sure your oil or lube is compatible with the toy.
Intention: It’s all about the person receiving the yoni massage and their experience. If working with a partner, it is not about mutual exchange. Rather, the receiver is fully receiving and dropping in. There is no goal but to surrender to sensation and fully feel whatever comes. All emotions and feelings are welcome, with the exception of acute pain.
That doesn’t mean that the whole experience will be pleasurable. In fact, discomfort will surely arise. There is a difference between productive discomfort and harmful pain. The receiver is the best judge of this difference, as they know their body the best.
2. Ground Yourself and Drop In
Body Scan: Start by scanning your body with your awareness from head to toe. Notice how the body feels at this moment, without judging any of the sensations and emotions that are present. Simply notice.
Breath: Bring your attention to the breath without changing it at all. Again, simply notice. Then, invite the breath to deepen. Take a few deep breaths in and out through the mouth. First send the breath into the chest, then the belly, then down into the pelvic floor and yoni.
Squeezes: After a few deep breaths, start to squeeze your pelvic floor at the top of your inhales as you hold the breath in. Release the squeeze as you exhale. Do this 3-10 times.
3. Warm Up the Body and Vulva
All Over Touch: Oil up your hands and start to sweep them over your body in broad strokes, especially over your thighs, vulva, and torso. Take your time feeling the subtle sensations of touching and being touched. Keep breathing deeply, in and out through the mouth if that feels comfortable. Allow your body to move however it wants to throughout the whole practice. Make whatever sounds want to come out.
Awaken the Groin: Massage and squeeze the groin, where the thigh meets the pelvis. Spend a few minutes here. Remember to breathe.
Focus on the Vulva: Allow your hands to focus more on the vulva (the external parts of the yoni), sweeping over the lips with your full palm. Hold the vulva with one or both hands and apply different kinds of pressure. Keep breathing deeply.
4. Embark on the Yoni Massage
Prepare to Enter: When you feel ready to start working inside, prepare your toy and/or fingers with lube or oil. You might want to start with your fingers and move to the toy, or just use one or the other. While it is possible to use your own fingers, the toy will usually allow for greater and deeper access when working alone. Fingers are best when working with a partner, as they allow for greater sensitivity. Try both and see which feels best.
Explore Inside: Slowly and gently penetrate your or your partner’s yoni with your fingers or toy. Keep it still at first and move slowly with intention. Start to apply pressure to the vaginal walls – lightly at first, then moving into more depth. You might feel places that feel tighter with your fingers, or perhaps feel slightly uncomfortable when touched. Gently apply pressure and breathe deeply. As these tensions release, they might feel like little Pop Rocks popping under your fingers. Ease into these tender points with curiosity and gentleness. Moving into them might bring up emotions or memories.
Stay Present: Be gentle with yourself (or your partner) around anything that comes up. Take breaks if you need to. Approach edges that feel uncomfortable – these are growing and healing edges – but take care of yourself. Move slowly. You can always repeat this practice.
Hold the Heart: At the end of the yoni massage practice, place your hands over your or the receiver’s heart. If you are working with a partner, you might want to sit up and gaze into each others’ eyes. Take a few breaths together to seal the practice. Make sure you bring the practice to completion before moving into the next activity, whether it be love-making, cuddling, or something else.
Tips for Working with a Partner
If you’re practicing yoni massage with a partner, it’s important that both people feel comfortable throughout. Set yourself up with pillows or blankets to facilitate sustainable physical comfort for both people, and adjust as needed.
Both the giver and receiver are encouraged to breathe slowly and deeply in and out through the mouth. You might experiment with syncing up your breath and see how that affects the experience.
Always stay present with your partner and communicate openly. The receiver is encouraged to speak up if something feels uncomfortable or painful in a non-productive way. Similarly, say something if you feel something could be done to enhance the experience.
The giver is encouraged to ask their partner about the experience, especially at first. Note though that this may be distracting for the receiver. Establish a non-verbal mode of communication for signals like “slow down” or “let’s take a break” as words might prove to be difficult when the receiver is deep in the yoni massage experience.
And remember, there is no goal to this practice. If the receiver approaches orgasm, great! And if they have an orgasm, great! Even if they don’t, great! Be present with whatever arises.
How Much Does a Professional Yoni Massage Cost?
In addition to learning how to give yourself a yoni massage, there are many professional providers of yoni massage therapy. They can generally be found under searches for Tantra or Sacred Sexuality. Prices can vary, but, in general the answer to how much does a yoni massage cost is usually around $300.