With sex coaching becoming a more widespread profession, many people are interested in finding out how to become a sex coach. There are diverse training and sex coach certification approaches out there and it can be difficult to know which one to engage with. While they may seem similar, there are actually some very significant differences in the philosophies, boundaries, training formats and certifications for each approach.
In order to decide which is right for you, we’ve included a thorough description of each of the training options.
Who is a Good Candidate for Sex Coach Training?
People from many different backgrounds can become sex coaches. Here are a few examples of good candidates:
- Have you been informally helping your friends with their sexual issues? Have you always felt you could help people in the realm of sex and relationships? This might be your calling then.
- If you have been a client and gone through your own transformation.
- Are you a professional who works with individuals and couples around relationships? Want to make yourself more effective or available to a wider clientele interested in sexuality? Yupp, sex coach training would be a good idea for your practice.
- If you are a licensed therapist who wants to learn more about sexuality, with the goal of integrating sex education and coaching into your therapy practice.
- Or maybe you are already working in a related field and want to expand your expertise to other modalities. For example, you might be a sexological bodyworker who wants to do more relational sex coaching, or you might be a talk sex coach who wants to have more experiential tools available to you and your clients.
- Are ready to embark on a new and exciting career? Then sex coaching will give you deeply interesting and engaging work for a lifetime of career satisfaction.
Key Personality Traits of a Good Sex Coach
There are a few key personality traits that are helpful to know about if you’re considering to become a sex coach – including being:
- Highly accepting and non-judgmental – Since shame is such a big part of why people get stuck around their sexuality, it is particularly helpful if you are a highly accepting and non-judgmental person. You will need to work with people from all different backgrounds who have a wide variety of desires and activities they want to participate in. You want to embrace the beautiful variety of desires with open arms.
- Comfortable with emotions – Sex is a very sensitive topic and many people feel a lot of emotional pain as a result of sexual shame and trauma. If you are someone who people often come to for emotional support because you allow them to have all their feelings without trying to fix them, you may be a great candidate to become a sex coach. This is also a learnable skill, and a thorough sex coaching training will teach that.
- Able to celebrate accomplishments – Clients are way more motivated when they know their efforts are paying off. When you help your clients celebrate all they are doing right in their learning and growing process, you will be an excellent helper in their journey.
- Good at listening – In order to be a great sex coach, you need to avoid feeling like your job is just to dish out advice, and make sure you know how to listen. So many people never have a chance to talk about sex with anyone. They may feel shy or uncertain, so you will need to gently coax them to talk about themselves and then listen deeply and fully.
- A good detective of human nature – To get to the bottom of sexual issues, it is helpful if you are deeply interested in humans and what makes them tick. Since humans are very complex – especially in terms of emotions and sexual desires – being a student of humanity is a valuable skill to have as sex coach.
What to look for in a Sex Coach Certification Training
- Well educated, knowledgeable, and experienced teachers – Anyone who is teaching sex coaching should have extensive training and experience in the field. Find out where your trainers were educated, and whether they have their own successful practices.
- Supervision and feedback as you grow as a practitioner – Your training should offer additional organized opportunities for supervision or feedback after the certification. Learning to be a great sex coach is an ongoing process and you will need support in advancing.
- A thorough sex coach certification process that requires you to demonstrate the skills you’ve learned – Being a good sex coach isn’t just about gathering information by reading books and watching videos passively, it is about getting real tools where you can respond in the moment to clients needs and feelings. This requires practicing actual coaching sessions and getting feedback on your coaching so that you are able to work well with clients. Any good sex coach certification process will require you to demonstrate the skills you have learned. Make sure the certification includes a session with a trainer or client so they can see your work.
- A varied toolkit – Make sure you are getting coaching tools that will apply to a broad variety of clients instead of a one-size-fits-all approach that only teaches one way of being erotic or sexual. For example, many programs teach Tantra, but not everyone is aroused by tantric practices.
- Developing critical thinking – there is a lot of misinformation about sex out there. A good training will help you develop tools to critically consume the information and present it to your clients in a way that will actually improve their sex lives.
- Ongoing trainings and continuing education – A competent training program will offer additional, advanced trainings. It will also have ways for you to retake the trainings by assisting in or being in a leadership role.
- Support in starting your business – While the most important part of a respectable sex coach certification program is definitely an in-depth philosophy and tool set, it is also essential that you are able to find clients to work with. A comprehensive certification program will also give you entrepreneurial training and support you as you start your business.
What Kind of Sex Coach Do You Want to Be?
Once you’ve researched how to become a sex coach and you’re ready to get serious with training, there are two main pathways you can pursue: experiential sex coaching and talk-based sex coaching. You want to choose the one that fits best with your personality and boundaries.
Experiential Sex Coaching
Experiential sex coaching is one of the two avenues to becoming a sex coach and getting certified in. The underlying philosophy of this type of coaching believes that people are more likely to transform their lives by doing rather than just talking – especially in the realm of sex and relationships.
In experiential sex coaching, you not only talk with your clients about their goals and concerns, you also teach them by practicing hands-on in the office. You can also offer homework so your clients have ways to incorporate the learned skills into their day-to-day lives.
Experiential sex coaches use a multitude of different modalities including breathwork, touch, practicing with real-time emotional communication, bodywork, practicing with attachment, sharing fantasies, teaching seduction techniques, practicing with dating, on so on.
Talk-Based Sex Coaching
Talk-based sex coaching is the other pathway to becoming a sex coach. In this coaching type, the practitioner consults with you about your issues, listens to your feelings, and then offers ideas about how you might learn and practice new skills. Talk-based sex coaches use talking as their main modality, and also offer homework and practices you can do outside the office to continue with your growth.
Many of these sex coach trainings are conducted through passive learning. This means you will be doing most of your learning on a computer, by yourself, with very little face-to-face interaction. While convenient, the biggest drawback to this method is that it’s very difficult to learn how to coach a person from watching videos passively. Having vast knowledge about sex is one thing – but learning how to work directly with people is a whole different skill set that takes a lot of direction, supervision, and practice.
Talk-based sex coach training may be best for you if you want to build a sex advice website, or if you are not comfortable with touch or other forms of intimacy with a client.
The following is an example of an experiential sex coach training:
Somatica Sex Coaching
Philosophy: Somatica sex coaching was created to fill a huge gap in services between traditional talk coaching / therapy and bodywork / surrogacy. It offers a space where you can grow and learn in a safe, boundary-conscious container. The Somatica Method is based on the belief that every person can live their individual dreams and have fulfilling and connected relationships. Practitioners help their clients to eradicate shame in every area of their lives – but especially in the realm of sex and relationships.
The philosophy includes the idea that people thrive sexually when they are skilled in both physiological (sensual) and psychological (mental) arousal techniques. A great sex life is based on knowing what kinds of feelings take you to the heights of your erotic potential.
Somatica is a highly relational practice where the coach and client engage in emotional and erotic practices in service of the client’s growth and learning. In sessions you will learn how to stay connected with yourself, while also connecting with your loved ones and sexual partner(s). [Check out this series of videos that showcase what a Somatica Session is like.]
Boundaries: Somatica is a strictly clothes-on practice. The touch is two-way but never leads to orgasm.
The Somatica Core Training is a 7-month program which includes:
- 7 weekend modules: 105 hours of intensive interactive experiential training, for 2020 conducted partially online
- Homework: additional videos to continue to learn and increase your skills between each module.
- Marketing and starting your business training, with follow-up seminars available.
- An extensive reading list, including required and recommended reading offered throughout the training period (additional 40 hours).
- One-on-one, small group, and larger group experiences.
- Required live practice sessions between modules.
The modalities of Somatica include attunement, attachment, embodiment, inner child work, deshamifying, identifying and sharing needs, feelings, and boundaries. They also cover erotic skills including breathing, energetic connection, erotic self-connection, sensual touch, seduction including exploring different kinds of sexual styles such as spiritual, romantic, passionate, dominant/submissive and other sexual styles. It teaches you emotional communication – including repairing breaks in the relationship to deepen intimacy, coping to ways you are difficult in relationship, empathetic listening, and emotional communication.
To get the Somatica sex coach certification you will need to complete the Somatica certification path. This consists of either 100 hours of working with clients and 20 supervisions sessions, or an option to retake the training as an advanced student. At the end of either pathway, you will need to pass the certification exam.
Continuing education in the form of advanced trainings and working with couples are also available.
Other Professionals in the Field
There are many other professional coaches in the field of sex who call themselves by different names, including Intimacy Coaches, Love Coaches, and Somatic Sexologists.
Their modalities can differ vastly – if you are interested in finding out more, explore the links above.