How Do I Find the Best Professional Sex Coach For Me?

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If there is one thing a professional sex coach knows, it is that people are different.

This means that a professional sex coach (or sex coaching modality) that is right for some, might not be the right one for you. You will want to take a look at all of the different types of sex coaching modalities and see which one offers the best fit for you. A short description is included below with links to full articles.

Intimacy Coaching

Intimacy coaching is a modality that helps people who have challenges with intimacy learn to relax and connect with another person. In intimacy coaching, your coach focuses on emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy, or both. Different intimacy coaches have different boundaries, as their boundaries will depend on where and how they are trained and certified.

In terms of professional training for intimacy coaches, the Somatica Sex and Relationship Coaching training and the Sex Surrogacy training are valid examples.

Read more about what an intimacy coach is.

Somatica Sex and Relationship Coaching

Somatica is a practical and experiential modality that covers a wide range of issues with both sex and relationships – including sexless marriage, differing desires, sexual dysfunction, shame, constant fighting/arguing, sexual inhibition or inexperience, dating skills, etc.

Often sexual issues can be exacerbated by relationship problems so it is helpful to work with a sex coach who knows how to deal with both sex and relationship issues, and the nuanced ways in which they intersect. In Somatica sex coaching, your professional coach will offer talk coaching as well as opportunities to learn through hands on practice in the office – all within your comfort zone and boundaries of the method.

Learn more about how a Somatica Sex and Relationship coach works.

Sexological Bodywork

Sexological bodywork is an erotic body-based modality which includes breathwork, masturbation witnessing and coaching, orgasmic yoga, scar tissue remediation, and erotic massage. This approach can help you with deeper self-connection, lowering shame, and increasing personal pleasure.

Explore what Sexological Bodywork can do for you.

Sex Surrogacy or Surrogate Partner Therapy

Sex surrogacy is a sexological approach to alleviating sexual and communication difficulties. It may eventually lead to engagement of the surrogate in sexual practices with the client. Seeing a surrogate requires a licensed therapists referral and ongoing work with that therapist.

See if a Sexual Surrogate is an option for you.

Tantra Coaching

Tantra is a spiritual practice that helps people connect their spirituality and sexuality. Tantra coaching is different from sex coaching in that it offers specific spiritual sexual techniques as opposed to the wide variety of options offered by sex coaches. Some sex coaches may include Tantra coaching as part of their larger sex coaching practice.

Finding a Professional Sex Coach Near You

Once you have figured out the best sex coaching modality for you, you will need to see if a professional coach is available in your area, or if you should travel to work with them. [Here is a handy directory]. You will also want to see if you can get proper access to them – as noted above, sex surrogates, for example, require a referral from a licensed therapist.

Sex is a very intimate and vulnerable topic, so finding someone whom you feel like you have a good rapport with is very important. You will want to make sure they emphasize a respect for your boundaries. They should also be supportive of your personal desires, as opposed to telling you that there is a “right” way to be sexual. Don’t be shy about asking for an initial consultation over the phone, and make sure you get all your questions thoroughly answered.

Things To Watch Out For When Choosing Your Professional Sex Coach

  • Boundary crossing: If at any time in your interaction with a professional sex coach you feel they are changing their normal boundaries or will not respect your boundaries, FIND A DIFFERENT COACH.When you are talking about deep emotional and sexual issues, you need to have a coach who respects your personal boundaries, as well as the boundaries of the method or modality they are practicing. If you have any questions about boundaries, make sure you ask in advance. If it ever feels like a coach’s boundaries seem slippery, or you get any kind of a “creepy feeling,” find a different coach.
  • Sight unseen pre-paid packages: Be very wary of sex coaches who are trying to pre-sell you big coaching packages without first doing a consultation and answering your questions. There are plenty of coaches who offer discounted packages, but will also have pay-per-session options. Try at least one session before signing on for a big package.
  • Feeling judged: If in your initial consultation or workshop with a new sex coach, you leave with the feeling that there is something more wrong with you than you thought, RUN THE OTHER WAY. After an initial consultation with a coach, you should feel supported, relieved, and like you can see a path of progress in front of you.
  • Guaranteed success: When it comes to sexual and relationship issues, there are no guaranteed results and anyone who tells you exactly that is lying to you.

Ready to find a qualified professional sex coach in your area?

Interested in taking a deeper approach and working on your sex and relationship issues  through personal growth in a group setting? Consider taking the Somatica Sex & Relationship Training.

Find a professional sex coach near you or by expertise now.

Danielle Harel
Danielle Harel
Dr. Danielle Harel is the the co-creator of the Somatica® Method and the co-founder of the Somatica® Institute. She has a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality (DHS), a graduate degree in Clinical Social Work (MSW), and a Bachelors (BA) degree in Psychology and Educational Counseling.

As a somatic sexologist, professor, and author, Danielle has devoted the last 20 years to resolving her client’s sexual challenges, training sex & relationship coaches, and empowering people. Harnessing her extensive training in sexology, psychology, and body-based modalities like Hakomi, attachment theory, character theory, and neuro-patterning, she guides people in reaching their fullest personal, professional, and sexual potential.

In addition to being faculty at Esalen and teaching the Advanced Somatica Training and Mastery Classes, Danielle has most recently embraced the adventure of co-producing the TV series Here She Comes – an episodic based on the Somatica Method (currently in production).

Before that, she published original research on Orgasmic Birth, and co-authored 3 books with Celeste Hirschman: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together.

She has also written extensively on sex, relationships, and dating, and is frequently quoted as an expert resource in publications.

To everything she does, Danielle brings her unparalleled passion, depth, intuition, and magnetizing personality.

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