Female Sexual Anxiety

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It’s widely recognized that men frequently worry about not lasting long enough during sex. Women’s version of performance anxiety however – the lesser-known female sexual anxiety – shows itself by taking too long to reach climax, or not being able to orgasm at all.

Men are physiologically aroused more quickly and psychologically ready for intercourse faster. And women often feel like they have to keep up – even though they may not be ready. They fear asking for what they want because it might make their male partners expect an orgasm even more. (Generally, this is not the case for lesbians since they have a better understanding of what it takes for a woman to achieve climax.)

Do Women Want Orgasms?

Female sexual anxiety often reveals itself as a fear of being disappointing. To avoid this, women may tell their partner they don’t need to have an orgasm for sex to be pleasurable. They will say they love having sex with you, even if they don’t come.

When it comes to women who are capable of having orgasms, we just don’t buy it. What we actually hear from countless women is that they DO want to have orgasms. They just don’t want to feel pressure to do so.

In the long run, if she isn’t having orgasms, she will be less satisfied and less likely to want to participate in sex. So as her lover – what can you do?

How to Turn a Woman On

What this means for women’s partners is that they need to take the time to learn how to turn a woman on. Focus on seduction, teasing, and the build-up of erotic tension to minimize female sexual anxiety. When a woman can relax into the enjoyment of the experience, she will be less anxious and more likely to come.

It is important she doesn’t feel you are just trying to turn the right knobs or press the right buttons for her to orgasm. Instead, let her know you enjoy learning how to turn a woman on. Tell her you want to warm her up. And that you want her to take all the time she needs.

It’s also a great idea for you to invite her to bring her vibrator into sex (or have one handy yourself!). Let her know that you’d be delighted if she grabbed for it at any time. You can also suggest to tell you what you can do to be part of her orgasms.

To alleviate female sexual anxiety, learn how to turn a woman on.

How a Sex Coach Can Help

Want to help lower your partner’s female sexual anxiety? Practice how to have a conversation with her that alleviates any pressure she puts on herself.

A sex coach can help with this conversation. It might be something short like, “I could stay down here all night long” if you are going down on her. Your coach can also help you become an amazing lover. They can teach you touch and seduction skills, and giving real-time, honest feedback.

Being a great lover means slowing down and really feeling what you are doing. A sex coach shows you the right pace that gives a woman the non-verbal message that she has all the time in the world.

Find a professional sex coach near you or by expertise now.

Celeste Hirschman
Celeste Hirschmanhttps://www.somaticainstitute.com/faculty/celeste-hirschman/
Celeste Hirschman is the is the co-creator of the Somatica® Method and the co-founder of the Somatica® Institute. She received an MA in Human Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University, and a BA in Women’s Students from UCSC.

In her teaching and coaching, Celeste routinely draws on her extensive training in attachment psychology, sociology, gender studies, and body-based modalities like Hakomi. She uses these embodied learning principles to help students and clients tap into their own somatic wisdom, deepen their experiences of pleasure, and realize their full personal and professional potential.

A prolific writer, Celeste researched and published a defining paper on adolescent sexuality development in 2006, during her tenure at SFSU’s Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality.

Since then, she has co-authored 3 books with Danielle Harel: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together. She writes frequently and is generally the first expert journalists turn to for quotes and information on sex, dating, and relationships.

No matter what she does – whether she is co-producing the sex-coaching-based TV series Here She Comes, or teaching at the legendary Esalen Institute – Celeste always brings her unconditional love, scintillating presence, erotic energy, and insight to every part of her work.

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