How to Have Stronger Orgasms

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There are orgasms – and then there are ORGASMS. If you are a woman who would like to learn how to have stronger orgasms, or the partner of a woman who wants to give her  more intense orgasms, then look no further. The key to a woman’s orgasm is … layering.

Layering is a term coined by sex coaches Celeste and Danielle. It refers to utilizing a woman’s full erotic potential by tapping into her pathways to both physical and mental arousal.

Unfortunately, research has shown that sex lasts, on average, about 5 minutes. While unlikely, it may be possible for a woman to squeeze out one small orgasm in this amount of time. Sex that creates more intense orgasms however takes more time and skill.

11 Tips on How to Have an Intense Orgasm

The simple formula to achieving a better, more intense orgasm is communicating your needs to your/sexual-pleasure/how-to-have-a-better-orgasm/ partner. You need to tell them which of the following activities they should layer – and which ones will only serve to distract you. Every woman is different sexually, but most women will like a combination of these ingredients:

  1. Kissing – While there are a very small number of women who don’t like kissing, almost every woman talks about kissing as being key to sexual warm-up. Kissing should be varied and peppered throughout a sexual experience. Don’t just stay on her lips kissing her over and over again the same way. Be playful with kissing, biting lips, kissing lips, neck, ears. Even flip her over and kiss and bite the back of her neck. Sometimes kissing her while you touch her clit or have your fingers inside her will be the thing that takes her to the edge of a high-intensity orgasm.
  2. All Over Body Touch – So often, when a woman’s body gets touched sexually, the touch focuses all-too-quickly on her vulva and nipples. While these can be great places to touch later on in sex, touching them too quickly can actually turn a woman off. Instead, try stroking her arms, teasing her inner thighs, grabbing her waist and ass. If you take the time to tease her whole body, anticipation will build and lead to a much stronger orgasm.
  3. Nipple Play – Once you have teased the whole body and start moving towards nipple and clitoral stimulation, do not underestimate the power of nipple touch. Some women need extremely light nipple touch, while others love you to bite, pinch, pull, and even twist them hard. Women who like intense touch on their nipples will often be bored by light licking or sucking. Ask the woman you are with what she likes – and believe her when she tells you. Nipple play can either be a really quick turn-off – or it can show her  how to have an intense orgasm.
  4. Clitoral Stimulation – Clitoral stimulation is a key ingredient in 70 percent of women’s orgasms. If you want to bring her to a more intense orgasm, make sure you get the clit in the picture. It’s important to understand that stimulation of the clit, the G Spot, and the cervix creates sensations across different lines of the nervous system. This means shooting for a combination orgasm that includes stimulation of more than one of these three areas can increase orgasmic intensity exponentially. Make sure when you touch or lick your partner’s clit, you start with light, teasing touch and slowly increase the pressure and intensity. If she pulls away, go lighter, if she presses towards to add pressure.
  5. Vibrators – While some people are afraid to bring vibrators into partner sex, vibrators offer a stimulation that is extremely helpful to the clitoral orgasm. They also leave other body parts available to focus on – like the g-spot, cervix, nipples, lips, and sharing sexy fantasies. Many vibrators are shaped so they are easy to handle during intercourse, and you can also use them while giving internal stimulation to the G Spot or cervix with your fingers.
  6. G Spot Intensification – While the clit often gets touched too hard during the warm-up phase, most women experience weak G Spot stimulation. Start with some massage, and eventually move on to intensifying pressure. Fingers can bring the most sensation to a G Spot with the “come here” curl. G Spot stimulation is less about the in and out, than about going in right at the pelvic bone and practicing the “come here” curl with your fingers, very quickly over and over and over again. This, in combination with some nipple biting, a vibrator on the clit and some good sexy talk can be the key to explosive orgasms for women.
  7. Cervical Play – While not all women can handle cervical stimulation, the ones who like it, like it A LOT. The cervix can be very sensitive, and this sensitivity can lead to a really strong orgasmic response. Combining cervical stimulation with clit touch can make her really blast off. Long fingers, a long penis, dildos or other toys that reach deeply into the vagina will be most effective for cervical play. A good, steady in and out rhythm is often what leads women to have the strongest orgasms.
  8. Erotic Words and Fantasies – Women can be easily distracted from sex. But we can take advantage of the fact that the mind is one of our biggest sex organs. That means  sexy talk – whether it be romantic, passionate, dominant or the telling of a hot fantasy – can really help to get a woman’s head in the game. The more mentally aroused a woman is, the more her whole body feels pleasurable sensations. The right words,  combined with an orchestra of physical sensation, is about as good as it gets if you want to intensify a woman’s orgasm. Picture your partner taking their time, whispering an erotic fantasy into your ear as they warm up your whole body, pinch your nipples, gently stroke your skin, and finally slowly enter you while you press a vibrator to your clit.
  9. Anal Pleasure – For many, anal pleasure is the final frontier. While you might be nervous about including anal touch, when it comes to orgasmic intensity, for some women anal touch is the most important ingredient. Anal play can also be both physically and mentally arousing because it has that taboo aspect to it. There are so many nerve endings in play, bringing internal and/or external touch can be the ingredient that explodes all of her senses.

Somatic Sexology

In addition to these activities, you can also try:

  1. Kegels exercises – Many women don’t start kegeling until they are pregnant, or they have a pelvic floor issue of some kind. The truth is, kegels are a wonderful exercise for your pleasure capacity and is enjoyable in its own right. Think of it like cardio for your heart health – kegels help your vulva stay strong and are a great way to make your orgasms stronger.
  2. Taking the pressure off – Women put pressure on themselves to derive pleasure from one particular sex act, or to have a certain kind of orgasm versus another. Instead, a great starting point is to enhance what is already working. Once you accept yourself and what gives you pleasure, it is easier to increase the intensity of your orgasms.

How a Sex Coach Can Help You How to Have Stronger Orgasms

If you are a woman, you might want to print out this article, highlight whatever you like or want to try, add a few notes of your own, and give it to your partner!

You can also work with a sex coach to help you clarify what turns you on – both physically and psychologically – and how to communicate your preferences to your partner. You could also try working with a sexological bodyworker who can help you explore different kinds of orgasms.

If you are a partner and want to get hands-on experience in learning how to have stronger orgasms, you might benefit from working with a sex coach who can teach you how to be a great lover. They can show you how to tease a woman’s body with different kinds of touch, and help you find out how to have an intense orgasm. Your Somatica coach will help you give a woman what she wants by offering tools and giving you honest, constructive feedback.

Find a professional sex coach near you or by expertise now.

Danielle Harel
Danielle Harel
Dr. Danielle Harel is the the co-creator of the Somatica® Method and the co-founder of the Somatica® Institute. She has a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality (DHS), a graduate degree in Clinical Social Work (MSW), and a Bachelors (BA) degree in Psychology and Educational Counseling.

As a somatic sexologist, professor, and author, Danielle has devoted the last 20 years to resolving her client’s sexual challenges, training sex & relationship coaches, and empowering people. Harnessing her extensive training in sexology, psychology, and body-based modalities like Hakomi, attachment theory, character theory, and neuro-patterning, she guides people in reaching their fullest personal, professional, and sexual potential.

In addition to being faculty at Esalen and teaching the Advanced Somatica Training and Mastery Classes, Danielle has most recently embraced the adventure of co-producing the TV series Here She Comes – an episodic based on the Somatica Method (currently in production).

Before that, she published original research on Orgasmic Birth, and co-authored 3 books with Celeste Hirschman: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together.

She has also written extensively on sex, relationships, and dating, and is frequently quoted as an expert resource in publications.

To everything she does, Danielle brings her unparalleled passion, depth, intuition, and magnetizing personality.

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