Are There Really 40 or 50 Year Old Virgins?

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According to the CDC’s 2023 National Health Statistics Report, 40.5% of female teenagers and 38.7% of male teenagers lose their virginity by age 19. This presents a 5 – 7% drop compared to roughly two decades earlier.

So is there a trend to stay a virgin longer? Maybe even until the age of 40 or 50 – or even life long?

Why People Stay Virgins Late In Life

The median age of first sexual intercourse in the United States is 16.8 for males and 17.2 for females. For adults between 25 and 29, only 5% report never having had any type of sex. By age 44, that number drops to around 0.3 percent.

There are a number of reasons however someone might choose to stay celibate and remain a virgin until later in life:

  1. Personal Values, Beliefs and Social Norms: Some people want to adhere to their inherent religious, social or cultural norms that prioritize abstinence until marriage or a certain stage of life. For example, in Japan, around 42% of unmarried men and 44% of unmarried women admitted to being virgins.
  2. Focus on Education or Career: Prioritizing their academic or career goals over romantic relationships leads some people to delay sexual activity.
  3. Emotional Readiness: Waiting until they feel emotionally mature and ready for the complexities of sexual intimacy is another common reason for staying a virgin.
  4. Desire for Meaningful Connection: Some people want to wait until they find just the right partner with whom they feel they can share a deep emotional connection – rather than engaging in casual or short-term sexual encounters.
  5. Fear of Consequences: Fears around unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, or the emotional repercussions of having sex can prompt someone to delay becoming sexually active.
  6. Past Trauma or Negative Experiences: Experiences of sexual abuse, assault, or unhealthy relationships can contribute to a decision to postpone sexual activity until feelings of safety and trust are restored.
  7. Uncertain Sexual Orientation: almost 10% of virgins over 40 have said they are unsure of their sexual orientation.
  8. Mental or Physical Ailments: Obesity has been shown to have a direct effect on the age someone loses their virginity. Similarly, personality disorders can lead to sex avoidance.
50 year old virgin

What’s it Like Being a 50 Year Old Virgin

Whatever your reasons might be, being a virgin later in life can evoke a myriad of unique emotions and experiences.

For some, it may be a source of pride, representing a deliberate choice to prioritize personal values, goals, or religious beliefs over societal norms or peer pressure. However, it can also come with feelings of insecurity, self-doubt, and isolation, especially in cultures where sexual experience is highly valued – or even expected. There might be a sense of anticipation or curiosity about what sexual intimacy entails, but that can often be coupled with anxiety or fear of the unknown.

Navigating relationships and social interactions as a 50 year old virgin can present significant challenges. For one, they might grapple with how to disclose their sexual history to potential partners, friends or family. Concerns about being judged or rejected, and feelings of inadequacy compared to those with more experience might contribute to a sense of being different and apart from the rest of society.

However, being a virgin later in life also offers opportunities for self-discovery, introspection, and personal growth. It can foster a deeper understanding of one’s values, desires, and boundaries, leading to more meaningful connections and fulfilling relationships when the time is right.

Sex coach in session with a male later in life virgin

How a Sex Coach Can Help a Later in Life Virgin

Working with a sex coach can help a virgin overcome shyness or fear around intimacy, allowing them to approach potential partners and initiate intimacy. For men in particular – generally expected to be the initiators of sex – practicing first with a professional can be extremely helpful.

While sex coaches are not sex surrogate partners, the work they do can be very experiential and focus mostly on the chemistry of attraction. This can help virgins move beyond technique to seduction, and eventually to displays of desire and passion.

One male client decided to keep their virginity private, and the women he slept with had no clue as to his sexual status. He reported that one of his partners thought he was some kind of player – his approach was so good.

When working with women, a sex coach can help them feel safe and more open with their sexuality. They can support them in overcoming shyness and more directly communicate their needs to a potential partner. Many women also lose their virginity but never orgasm. A sex coach can teach them how to have their first orgasm, and even to expand their potential to multiple orgasms or G Spot orgasms.

Finding the right sex coach can make a difference in a person’s quest to lose their virginity later in life. Sexcoaching.com’s directory offers female, male and trans/nonbinary coaches so that you can work with whatever gender person feels right for you.

Find a professional sex coach near you or by expertise now.

Danielle Harel
Danielle Harelhttps://www.somaticainstitute.com/faculty/danielle-harel/
Dr. Danielle Harel is the the co-creator of the Somatica® Method and the co-founder of the Somatica® Institute. She has a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality (DHS), a graduate degree in Clinical Social Work (MSW), and a Bachelors (BA) degree in Psychology and Educational Counseling.

As a somatic sexologist, professor, and author, Danielle has devoted the last 20 years to resolving her client’s sexual challenges, training sex & relationship coaches, and empowering people. Harnessing her extensive training in sexology, psychology, and body-based modalities like Hakomi, attachment theory, character theory, and neuro-patterning, she guides people in reaching their fullest personal, professional, and sexual potential.

In addition to being faculty at Esalen and teaching the Advanced Somatica Training and Mastery Classes, Danielle has most recently embraced the adventure of co-producing the TV series Here She Comes – an episodic based on the Somatica Method (currently in production).

Before that, she published original research on Orgasmic Birth, and co-authored 3 books with Celeste Hirschman: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together.

She has also written extensively on sex, relationships, and dating, and is frequently quoted as an expert resource in publications.

To everything she does, Danielle brings her unparalleled passion, depth, intuition, and magnetizing personality.

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