How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship after Cheating

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Applying a short-term, emergency fix to a relationship that has been marred by infidelity is one thing. Knowing how to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating for the long term is a whole different animal.

Statistics of Cheating: How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair?

First off, it can be helpful to know the statistics of cheating. How many relationships recover after infidelity? And what’s the percentage of couples who stay together?

According to research from the Institute for Family Studies, the divorce statistics after infidelity in the U.S. are 40%. This means the percentage of couples who stay together is about 60%. Overall, affairs are responsible for 20-40% of divorces. 

statistic of cheating - divorce rate and separation

How to Regain Trust After Cheating

To rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating, it’s imperative to be very conscious of your partner’s needs and feelings. Remember – people may need very different kinds of reassurance and understanding after an affair. 

If you are the person who has been cheated on, you may need:

  • Lots of loving, reassuring touches like hugs and cuddles
  • Romantic gestures to show that you are important to the person
  • Time without pressure to reconnect physically or sexually
  • Words of reassurance that your partner desires you, cares about your feelings, etc.
  • The Space to process when feelings of insecurity re-emerge
  • Sexual connection
  • Consciously shared time, with lots of presence or eye-contact

If you are the person who has cheated, you may need:

  • The sense that your partner still thinks you are still a good person
  • Reassurance that their trust is returning (if it is)
  • Loving touch like hugs and cuddles
  • Sexual connection
  • Understanding 
  • Special time with lots of presence or eye contact
  • Words of reassurance that you are not leaving them (if you are not)
couple hugging and fostering security in their relationship

What Promotes Security in a Relationship? 

Relationships where two people are more securely attached to begin with have a greater chance of surviving an affair.

To have security in a relationship you need these 7 things:

  1. The sense that your partner listens and responds when you make a bid for connection or share something that you feel is important to you.
  2. Awareness of each other’s feelings and empathy towards each other – knowing your partner is connected to you when you feel either love or pain.
  3. A sexual connection where each of you feel seen, accepted in your desires, and satisfied by the experiences.
  4. Knowing your partner supports you in your dreams and goals. They have your back when you put yourself out into the world to pursue these goals.
  5. The awareness that you are each other’s family and are committed to staying connected, regardless of how your relationship structure may change over time.
  6. The feeling that your family (or chosen family) and community supports your relationship and will be there to help you through challenging times.
  7. Finally, it can be helpful to your bond if you have mutual interests you share and enjoy together.

Rebuilding a Relationship is Easier with Help

It can be much more manageable to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating if you have someone who helps you through the barriers. Many excellent resources and books offer in-depth advice and guidance too.

But working with a Somatica sex and relationship coach is an effective way to learn how to communicate in a productive fashion, rebuild intimacy, and build a deeper, more profound connection with your partner.

If you’d like to explore professional help from a relationship coach, you can find one near you in this directory.

Find a professional sex coach near you or by expertise now.

Danielle Harel
Danielle Harel
Dr. Danielle Harel is the the co-creator of the Somatica® Method and the co-founder of the Somatica® Institute. She has a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality (DHS), a graduate degree in Clinical Social Work (MSW), and a Bachelors (BA) degree in Psychology and Educational Counseling.

As a somatic sexologist, professor, and author, Danielle has devoted the last 20 years to resolving her client’s sexual challenges, training sex & relationship coaches, and empowering people. Harnessing her extensive training in sexology, psychology, and body-based modalities like Hakomi, attachment theory, character theory, and neuro-patterning, she guides people in reaching their fullest personal, professional, and sexual potential.

In addition to being faculty at Esalen and teaching the Advanced Somatica Training and Mastery Classes, Danielle has most recently embraced the adventure of co-producing the TV series Here She Comes – an episodic based on the Somatica Method (currently in production).

Before that, she published original research on Orgasmic Birth, and co-authored 3 books with Celeste Hirschman: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together.

She has also written extensively on sex, relationships, and dating, and is frequently quoted as an expert resource in publications.

To everything she does, Danielle brings her unparalleled passion, depth, intuition, and magnetizing personality.

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