Why You Should Embrace Those Embarrassing Sex Moments

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We have all experienced that awkward or embarrassing sex moment. You move to take your shirt or your pants off – and your body makes a funny noise no one was planning on.

We don’t normally mention these moments. Instead, we quickly move past them – pretending they didn’t happen. Still, they DID happen. So what do we do with them?

Why Do We Feel Awkward in the First Place?

At one point or another, all of us have been in a sexy situation where the energy slows or even stops while something “awkward” takes place.

These moments do not only happen in sexual experiences, they also take place during conversations. We notice them most when we meet a person for the first time and the conversation comes to a stop for no apparent reason.

What is this awkward moment? And why does it make us feel so uncomfortable? In short, this moment simply is a change in energy. Something is shifting, and we feel uneasy about it.

Sexual experiences are no different. During intimate moments, the energy is consistently shifting. You can think of sexual energy on a scale from one to ten – one is being lightly aroused, and ten is the point of orgasm. Most people feel they are experiencing an awkward sex moment when the energy rapidly moves down the scale.

Laughing lesbian girls experiencing an awkward sex moment

A Shifting Arousal Curve

Let’s take, for example, undressing. Sometimes it works great to have your partner rip your clothes off in the heat of passion. Other times, you take your own clothes off. Either way, people often rush this experience unnecessarily, causing wardrobe malfunctions and other embarrassing sex moments.

Instead of savoring the sensual sensation of soft clothes moving off your skin and the thrill of exposing yourself to your partner, the experience is hurried and under-appreciated. The rush stems from the fear that the moment will be lost if the arousal level lowers.

It is true that, as we move from kissing or embracing our partner to undressing them or ourselves, the foreplay energy shifts. It has the potential to decrease the sexual energy, sliding us down on the arousal curve. Feeling that slowing creates a fear of loss – and helps create those awkward moments.

Don’t Fear the Awkward

Many people rush through sexual experiences in fear of that awkward moment. Instead of avoiding those moments however, why not try to embrace them?

You can do this by seeing the situation for what it is. If you feel a drop in sexual tension between you and your partner, connect with yourself and allow for the space to shift the arousal curve.

Sex does not need to have a straight-line trajectory. There is no prize if you ride the arousal curve from 1 to 10 without ups and downs. In fact, you are actually inviting boredom into the bedroom by skipping over all of the connection and playfulness that can happen as the arousal curve moves up and down.

Some of the best sexual experiences move from hot passion to laughter, to orgasm, to holding, sweet talk, and back to orgasm again. Within that, there are plenty of ups and downs. Take a look at your past sexual experiences and see if you are racing through your arousal curve.

Man slowly undressing a woman

How to Slow Down and Enjoy the Ride

Next time you are about to get intimate with your partner, and you realize your shirt is not coming off as fast as you imagined, take a deep breath and recognize what is happening. You are most likely rushing through the awkward experience.

Bring yourself into the present moment and notice what you are experiencing. Feel your shirt as it brushes against your skin on the way to the floor. Notice how the air feels on your skin – cold? hot? moist? – as it becomes newly exposed.

Maybe your partner is watching, and is patiently waiting for you to fall back into their arms, naked and confidently having moved past that potentially awkward moment. See if you can find ways to enjoy all that is happening in the moment and allow the beautiful fluctuations that make sex truly interesting.

Need Help? Talk to a Sex Coach

Not sure you are confident enough to avoid embarrassing sex moments? Maybe you want to talk to professional sex coach who can guide you through the nervousness and teach you to slow down and enjoy the enjoy all the pleasure.

Find your perfect coach now!

Find a professional sex coach near you or by expertise now.

Celeste Hirschman
Celeste Hirschmanhttps://www.somaticainstitute.com/faculty/celeste-hirschman/
Celeste Hirschman is the is the co-creator of the Somatica® Method and the co-founder of the Somatica® Institute. She received an MA in Human Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University, and a BA in Women’s Students from UCSC.

In her teaching and coaching, Celeste routinely draws on her extensive training in attachment psychology, sociology, gender studies, and body-based modalities like Hakomi. She uses these embodied learning principles to help students and clients tap into their own somatic wisdom, deepen their experiences of pleasure, and realize their full personal and professional potential.

A prolific writer, Celeste researched and published a defining paper on adolescent sexuality development in 2006, during her tenure at SFSU’s Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality.

Since then, she has co-authored 3 books with Danielle Harel: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together. She writes frequently and is generally the first expert journalists turn to for quotes and information on sex, dating, and relationships.

No matter what she does – whether she is co-producing the sex-coaching-based TV series Here She Comes, or teaching at the legendary Esalen Institute – Celeste always brings her unconditional love, scintillating presence, erotic energy, and insight to every part of her work.

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