The biggest complaint most people have about sex in long term relationships is that it gets boring. So you’re probably reading this because you’re looking for ways to spice up your sex life, right? Well – we are here to help.
Whether you’ve been together for 2 years or 20 years – it’s important for couples to explore new things to try in bed. It is especially helpful if those fresh ways to have sex are focused on your biggest turn-ons. But – how do you communicate them?
How to Introduce New Ideas to Your Partner
Mustering the courage to have a frank conversation around your sexual desires with your lover can be daunting. Here are some ways you can get the party started:
- Talk about wanting to bring in new experiences. Explain how they will be positive for you in the relationship, and explore if your partner thinks they are positive for them as well. Then make absolutely sure they are interested to try these new experiences – and are not just going along with them because they feel like they have to.
- Check with them if they want to know in advance – or if they’re turned on by surprises.
- No matter what – having anal sex for the first time (and for some women every time) does not work as a surprise gift. If you want to incorporate anal sex, always talk about it with your partner ahead of time. Check how they feel – and go really slowly with introducing anal sex (we even have a whole video about it).
- Tell your partner what turns you on about a specific new act. Detail what arouses you about it and how you think it will make you feel. Also ask if there is something in it that sounds arousing to them.
New Things to Try in Bed to Spice Up Your Sex Life
Intercourse is the most common, mundane, and “vanilla”-sounding type of sex. When talked about, the only thing people really discuss is trying different positions. So as a way to spice up your sex life, we decided to expand, explore, and explode the whole idea of intercourse to see just how far we can stretch it…
We came up with 5 ways to reimagine intercourse that we hope will help you think differently about sex. You can also come up with your own fun sex ideas or variations – you know, those especially creative and adventurous things.
1. Start n’ Stop
So what if you started intercourse, pulled out, used your fingers for a while, then went back to intercourse. After a bit, you pulled out again, used your tongue for a while, only to start back at it again.
This breaking of the rhythm creates a hugely teasing experience, kindles varied sensations, and has the benefit of helping you control your ejaculation. If your partner is multi-orgasmic, you can also see if you can make your partner come with each new change.
2. Tonguing It
If you look up the definition of tonguing, you will find that it means changing the sound on a wind instrument by interrupting the air flow with the tongue. Of course, that’s not what we mean when we say it.
In the context of finding new ways to spice up your sex life, we know the tongue is a rarely used, but fun instrument for intercourse, either vaginal or anal. Both the giver or the receiver of tonguing can enjoy the sensation and the fantasy. If you like feeling forced, have your partner grab your head and use it as fucking machine. You can force them to tongue your pussy or your asshole or both.
If you like to have the front part of your G Spot stimulated, the tongue is a perfect teasing tool. It can be great to go from tongue intercourse to clit-licking and back to increase the buildup and longing. Just make sure you end up on the clit! If you like your ass tongued-penetrated, just make sure you are nice and clean, inside and out.
3. Guess Whats Going In…
If you are a brave soul and like toys and surprises, try wearing a blindfold while your partner uses different parts of their body and toys to penetrate you. They can use their penis (if they have one), tongue, or fingers – and maybe even a nose or a very clean toe! There are a dizzying variety of dildos to play with too – including ones made of glass, silicon, or hard plastic. Your lover can also use g-spot vibrators, or a magic wand attachment.
You might want to guess what each one is before it’s inserted to super charge the thrill. Using a vibrator on your clit at the same time as being vaginally or anally penetrated is particularly good. For some extra spice, you can add different-sized and shaped butt plugs. For safe anal play, always make sure your toy has a wide base so it can’t get lost up there!
4. Butt With What?!?
When we think of intercourse, we usually think of a penis going in and out of a vagina. The truth is however that you can have oral intercourse, vaginal intercourse, and anal intercourse. You might decide to have a night with all three. If you do, make sure anal is last – since it’s not hygienic to go from anal to oral, or anal to vaginal, without a soapy shower in between. And while you’re down there – don’t neglect the perineum!
When considering kinky things to try, here are some ideas… Some people get very turned on by the idea of going inside of a vagina, then a mouth and having your partner lick their own juices off of you. You might also like the experience of tasting yourself or the experience of being made to do something that feels very dirty.
Each of these ideas aren’t for everyone, so make sure you talk to your partner about them first. If you don’t want to participate, just make sure you don’t yuck their yum. If you don’t want to do it, simply say, “I love your fantasies. They are so creative, and we can talk about that one, but it’s not one I’d like to do.”
5. Turn the Tables
Last – but definitely not least – on our list of creative ways to spice up your sex life: if you’ve never been penetrated by your partner, but they have been penetrated by you, it might be fun to return the favor.
Even if one (or both of you) are not ready for pegging (anal sex by a woman on a man), you can play with a finger tip or a thin butt-plug. In any case, go slow and make sure you use lots of lube. You can also use rubber gloves if you are concerned about cleanliness.
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Now is that a list of fun sex ideas, or what? Need more ideas? Watch sex coaches Danielle & Celeste talk about yet more approaches to spicing things up in bed:
If you need help finding out what your biggest turn-ons are, read the book Coming Together or spend some time with a sex coach.
