What is Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation (or PE for short) is a problem millions of men face. Luckily, there are many ways you can learn how to stop premature ejaculation permanently. It’s helpful to know also you are not alone in wondering how to prevent premature ejaculation. As many as one in three men suffer from PE at some point in their life. The good news is that premature ejaculation help is easily accessible. But let’s talk a bit about what PE is and the exact causes of premature ejaculation.

While the medical definition of PE is ejaculating prior to or within a minute of intercourse, premature ejaculation can be more broadly defined as a man coming more quickly than he would like. Some cases are quite extreme, where any sexual stimulation, even kissing a partner, can cause ejaculation prior to intercourse. Other men come within seconds of penetration. In less extreme cases, a man may only last a few minutes before ejaculating. This lowers sexual satisfaction for both the man and his partner and often also affects his sexual confidence.

What are the Causes of Premature Ejaculation?

The causes of premature ejaculation can be varied, but here are some of the most common:

  1. There is a biological difference between the average time it takes men and women to orgasm. Inherently, men will orgasm more quickly than women which is one of the natural causes of premature ejaculation.
  2. Because we live in a dominantly sex-negative society, boys learn early on to masturbate quickly and in secret. This quick masturbation throughout childhood which is one of our societal causes of premature ejaculation.
  3. Men’s widespread use of porn – which causes arousal very quickly – is another way men train their bodies to orgasm quickly, increasing the need for premature ejaculation therapy.
  4. Performance anxiety is frequently also a cause for PE and can be exacerbated by a shaming or critical partner. If a critical partner is possibly one of your causes of premature ejaculation, PE training may not be helpful. Some men experience early ejaculation issues in the first few interactions with a new partner, but recover if the partner stays relaxed and non-critical. If you usually only encounter PE the first few times you have sex, tell your partner not to worry about it, so you can both stay relaxed.

How to Stop Premature Ejaculation

Medical Approaches to Ejaculatory Dysfunction

Medical interventions concerning how to stop premature ejaculation are generally not particularly helpful. You might be better off with PE self-training or getting premature ejaculation help from a therapist.

Some doctors aiming to treat ejaculatory dysfunction will prescribe low doses of antidepressants. It is also possible to get over-the-counter creams or sprays. These medications contain numbing agents – such as Lidocaine – to make your penis less sensitive. Beware that they usually don’t have a strong effect on ejaculatory dysfunction, but can have side effects such as lowering sensation or even anorgasmia (the inability to achieve orgasm).

 

How to Prevent Premature Ejaculation

A low-effort, high-reward approach to preventing premature ejaculation is self training. You can experiment with these techniques at home with a helpful partner, or during masturbation.

  • Slow, deep breathing all the way down to your pelvic floor helps keep your body relaxed during a sexual experience. This technique also keeps you more present in your body and lowers performance anxiety which is one of the keys to lasting longer in bed.
  • Relaxing your anal muscles during sex can also help you prevent premature ejaculation. Your body automatically squeezes the anal muscles during climax – so if these muscles are already clenched, you are that much closer to ejaculating. Keeping them consciously relaxed gives your body the signal that you are not ready to orgasm yet.
  • Knowing what your arousal level is at any particular time during a sexual interaction can help you learn how to prevent premature ejaculation. Most men who experience PE are not aware of how aroused they are at any point in time during a sexual experience. They often jump to high levels without knowing it. Becoming aware of how aroused you are helps you avoid PE and slow down when your arousal level gets too high.
  • Learning how to slowly move through your arousal levels one-by-one is another successful technique for stopping PE before it happens. Once you can track your arousal, you can begin to train your body to move through arousal at a slow pace. So, if you track your arousal on a scale from 1-10, you can learn to slow your arousal as you move up through the scale (read about the benefits of edging to increase your pleasure even more).
  • Being able to come down from a higher arousal level to a lower one using breath, anal relaxation, and slowing the pace or taking a break is a great way to learn how to last longer in bed. One of the greatest difficulties is to be at a high level of arousal and then descend to a lower level. By using breathing and relaxation techniques, you can train your body to do the exact opposite of what it automatically wants to do – and learn to move your arousal up and down like a wave.

Premature Ejaculation Help

You can learn how to stop premature ejaculation permanently and relatively easily if you are willing to put in the time and energy. Because learning how to prevent PE is an embodied learning process – like learning a sport  or a musical instrument – the only way to get good at it is through regular practice.

But if you feel you need more premature ejaculation help, working with a Somatica sex coach or a sexological bodyworker can be very effective. Some coaches are trained in both methods and offer more targeted assistance than traditional therapists.

A Somatica sex coach helps you to:

  • Practice staying connected to your body during two-way touch.
  • Learn to touch for your own pleasure instead of being self-conscious and worried about your partner all the time.
  • Lower interpersonal anxiety by helping you relax in a sexual situation and communicate how your body functions.
  • Talk with your partner about their feelings regarding your PE – often a crucial tool to preserve a strained relationship.

A sexological bodyworker helps you to:

  • Learn the breathwork and relaxation techniques that are essential to controlling premature ejaculation.
  • Practice how to keep from ejaculating in a somewhat realistic simulation of sexual interaction.
  • Practice mindful masturbation so you can train yourself to stop premature ejaculation even between sessions.

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Celeste Hirschman
Celeste Hirschman, MA is the Co-Creator of the Somatica® Method and Co-Founder of Somatica® Institute. She trains coaches in the Somatica® Method of Sex and Relationship Coaching. She has her own private practice in San Francisco, where she works with clients to have profoundly pleasurable and fulfilling lives. She has co-authored multiple academic articles published in peer-reviewed journals and is the co-author of two books, Cockfidence - The Definitive Guide to Being the Man You Want to Be and Driving Women Wild and Making Love Real - The Intelligent Couples Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion. Celeste has her MA in Human Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University (SFSU) and her BA in Women’s Studies from the University of California, Santa Cruz (UCSC). Celeste has taken the Hakomi Pro-Skills Training as well as multiple other trainings on sexuality and relationships. Celeste also has a Certification in Sexological Bodywork from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS).