What is Anorgasmia?
Anorgasmia in men is when a man is unable orgasm from normal sexual stimulation. Primary anorgasmia is when a man has never had an orgasm. Secondary anorgasmia is when a man has previously been able to achieve orgasm, but is no longer able to do so.
Some men cannot orgasm from stimulation by themselves or with a partner. We can think of this as across-the-board anorgasmia. However, most men complain of anorgasmia because they cannot climax from sexual stimulation with a partner.
When a man does orgasm from partner stimulation, but it takes a very long time, it’s called delayed or retarded ejaculation. In general, it’s a much more common complaint among men than anorgasmia.
Male Anorgasmia Causes
Across-the-board anorgasmia in men is relatively uncommon, and is usually caused by medical conditions or anti-depressants. Male anorgasmia causes include:
- Medical conditions – including hypertension, diabetes, chronic pain, and hormonal problems.
- Antidepressants and Antianxiety Drugs – in particular serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such a Prozac.
- Drugs or alcohol – high doses or chronic use of alcohol can inhibit orgasm, as can cocaine or amphetamines.
- Performance Anxiety – Some men experience a bout of anorgasmia and start to worry it will keep happening. As a result, they put pressure on themselves to have an orgasm and go into a sort of “work mode” where they try very hard to come and cannot. This can turn into a vicious cycle where the worry and the hard work make it impossible for the man to enjoy himself and relax into an orgasm.
- Trust Issues – Anorgasmia in men can be the result of trust issues with a partner. Maybe they have a history of abandonment, had a failed marriage, or a pregnancy scare. Sexual abuse or trauma can also create trust issues – and a highly critical partner may set the stage for anorgasmia as well.
- Negative Attitudes Towards Sex – Some families, especially those with strong religious beliefs, teach their children that sex is bad or dirty. These kinds of lessons can result in an inability to enjoy sex or come to orgasm.
- Masturbation Practices – Some men masturbate in ways their partner have a very difficult time replicating. Some men put so much pressure on their penis, it becomes impossible for a mouth, vagina, or anus to offer an equal amount of pressure. Men may also have masturbation rhythms, including masturbating with varying speeds and patterns, that their partner will not be able to provide. Masturbating to porn can make it more difficult for a man to orgasm with a partner because the psychological arousal is lower.
Anorgasmia Treatment Options
Medical Interventions that Help with Male Anorgasmia Treatment
Male anorgasmia treatment should begin by eliminating drugs that might be inhibiting orgasm. If you are on antidepressants, don’t stop taking them without consulting the prescribing physician. But you can talk with your doctor about your antidepressant exit plan, and see if it is possible to switch to an antidepressant with no or reduced sexual side effects.
If you are suffering from hypertension or chronic pain, speak with your doctor about lifestyle changes or medication that help you with those issues. While doctors often do not have much sensitivity or prioritization towards sexual function, explain to them that it is a big priority for you. Insist to have your anorgasmia situation taken into account when suggesting medication and other options.
Because our society minimizes and trivializes the importance of sex, you will need to continue to advocate for yourself with the medical professionals you are seeing.
Drug and Alcohol Use in Anorgasmia Treatment
If you’re experiencing anorgasmia, make sure you are not using drugs or alcohol that can inhibit orgasm. Anything more than one drink can lower sexual function – so go easy on alcohol, and don’t use cocaine or amphetamines before sex.
Resolve Psychological Underpinnings of Anorgasmia
To resolve psychological issues around anorgasmia – such as performance anxiety, trust issues, or negative attitudes toward sex – and reclaim your climax, it’s helpful to work with a sex coach or sex therapist.
An experiential sex coach can engage in erotic connection and practices to help you relax into a sexual situation, stay connected to the pleasure of sex and out of “work mode.”
With a Somatica Sex and Relationship Coach, you are able to practice connection, touch, flirting, and playfulness to help you embrace a positive, shameless attitude towards sex. Practicing emotional trust in an honest two-way relationship can help dissolve anxiety, and consequently, anorgasmia in men.
Change Your Masturbation and Porn Habits
Another way to treat anorgasmia is to change your masturbation practices. You may have been masturbating the same way our entire life, so adjusting your practices can be challenging. Consider modifying your pressure or rhythm to make it possible for your partner to offer what you need to orgasm. Trying a more teasing, slow, and regular (as opposed to irregular) pattern can be very helpful.
It takes a tremendous amount of will-power to transform your masturbation practices,so getting a coach and being gentle with yourself is key. If you find yourself unable to adjust, seek the help of a sexological bodyworker who specializes in masturbation coaching.
Anorgasmia can be related to the amount of porn you watch, so consider quitting or lowering the amount of porn you watch. Many sex coaches and sex therapists can also help you shift your porn habits.