Unicorn Hunting: How to Find the Perfect One

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Unicorns – both in fantasy and relationships – are elusive creatures indeed. They equally have the potential to bring amazing adventure and explorative experiences. But in dating, there are some unicorn hunting ethics to keep in mind.

Although a relationship with a unicorn can be incredibly sexy, there’s a reason unicorns are so difficult to discover. Here’s how to ensure that the unicorn hunting process brings pleasure and fulfillment to everyone involved.

What Is a Unicorn in Dating?

In simple terms, a unicorn in the dating world is described as “a bisexual woman who has sex with a heterosexual couple, often (but not always) without the expectation of emotional intimacy.”

The most common combination is a heterosexual couple and a pansexual or bisexual female unicorn. However, a unicorn can be someone of any gender, and can become involved with any type of couple. 

Unicorns provide fun for both members of the couple. It is common for the couple to want the unicorn to be interested in both of them equally, and also agree to be exclusive to them.

The reason why unicorns are generally women is simple: in a heterosexual couple, it’s more often the woman who wants to experiment with her sexuality. It also presents a soft entry into open relationship territory, as both members of the couple may feel less jealousy if they are having sex with another person while their partner is present.

For the man, unicorns represent less of an experiment around his own sexual orientation, and more the thrill of adding a new experience to the sexual menu. For the woman in the relationship, this can be both. 


A couple and a unicorn woman having a good time in the ocean

The Difficulties of Spotting and Hunting a Unicorn Woman

Unicorn women are mythical beings – therefore spotting and hunting a true unicorn can be challenging.

It’s not appropriate to approach someone, simply because you heard they are bisexual or pansexual. The only real way to know if a woman is a unicorn is if she tells you herself, in person, or on her dating profile. Approaching a bisexual woman with the assumption she is interested in being a unicorn can cause hurt and offense, so you have to be careful.

One of the prime reasons unicorn women are so difficult to hunt is in the fact that she might not want to fulfill the role the stereotypical unicorn hunting couple is looking for. Since the agreement is most often centered around sex, the terms the couple may set for the unicorn woman might feel too limiting to her.

The unicorn may want more choices in dating, or want to have sex with just one member of the couple. It’s important to note that the couple will most often strive to protect their relationship above all else, leaving the unicorn as a secondary consideration. For the unicorn, this can provide very little emotional protection. 

How to Find the Perfect Unicorn

To find the perfect unicorn, it’s important to be honest and upfront with your partner about the experience you are seeking.

The couple should do the search together, rather than placing the responsibility of finding and bonding with the unicorn on the woman. This is unfortunately common on dating apps. Approaching the conversation should be done from an honest, vulnerable, respectful, and consensual way. 

Also, make your intentions and desires clear to the unicorn. She should never be viewed as a sex toy, and should always be respected as a fellow human being.

Communication in unicorn hunting is key. There should always be discussion on what happens in these scenarios: in and out of the bedroom, romance or no romance, and exclusivity agreements or lack thereof. Be attentive to your approach and take care not to fetishize your unicorn. 

The Unicorn Dating Site as a Hunting Tool

Luckily, the modern world has made it slightly easier to hunt and locate unicorns.

There are several unicorn dating sites where couples can create a profile and post what they are looking for. Couples might use the unicorn emoji to discreetly attract this person into their lives, or overtly create a profile stating their desire to attract a unicorn.

It is best to be super transparent in your bio about exactly what you are looking for. Often, bisexual women are not interested in a threesome. Letting them know upfront that this is your goal will create trust and avoid potential heartache. Self-identified unicorns also often post on websites with an emoji or descriptive profile, easing the hunt. 

Check out these unicorn dating sites for profile examples and options:  

LGBTQ unicorn women embracing

The Sport of Unicorn Hunting

Many bisexual and pansexual women have stories of being approached by couples to be their unicorn. And often, the pursuit of the unicorn can come off as dehumanizing if the couple is not considerate in their approach.

Note that hunting can be emotionally exhausting for the unicorn woman, as she may feel as though her sexual orientation is an open invitation for group sex. Just like straight people, bisexual and pansexual women might not want to engage in a throuple. It’s probably safest to assume that she doesn’t!

Unicorn Polyamory 

When a couple chooses to open up their relationship, unicorn polyamory is generally the easiest path into the world of ethical non-monogamy. However, this often turns out to be a very limiting experience for the couple and the unicorn.

In a heterosexual throuple, the man gets to remain the singular gender in the relationship. The polyamory world calls this One Penis Policy (OPP). This can lead to the combination of one man and two women being an objectifying and fetishizing event in our culture.

How a Sex Coach Can Help 

If you are ready to engage in a unicorn dating dynamic, go ahead and give it a try! Just be sure to remain open, honest, and realistic about finding the perfect match. There are many others looking for the same exchange.

If you’re facing blocks and communication issues, both with yourself and in your partner, a sex coach could be helpful. They can assist you with articulating your wants and desires, and help make sure you have covered as many bases as possible before you dive into focused unicorn hunting. You’ll be less likely to have major misunderstandings and get more of your desires met.

[ Here is a directory of sex coaches specialized in open relationships and polyamory. ]

And once you find your unicorn, make sure you treasure them as the mythical, beautiful, and sexual creature they are! 

Find a professional sex coach near you or by expertise now.

Danielle Harel
Danielle Harelhttps://www.somaticainstitute.com/faculty/danielle-harel/
Dr. Danielle Harel is the the co-creator of the Somatica® Method and the co-founder of the Somatica® Institute. She has a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality (DHS), a graduate degree in Clinical Social Work (MSW), and a Bachelors (BA) degree in Psychology and Educational Counseling.

As a somatic sexologist, professor, and author, Danielle has devoted the last 20 years to resolving her client’s sexual challenges, training sex & relationship coaches, and empowering people. Harnessing her extensive training in sexology, psychology, and body-based modalities like Hakomi, attachment theory, character theory, and neuro-patterning, she guides people in reaching their fullest personal, professional, and sexual potential.

In addition to being faculty at Esalen and teaching the Advanced Somatica Training and Mastery Classes, Danielle has most recently embraced the adventure of co-producing the TV series Here She Comes – an episodic based on the Somatica Method (currently in production).

Before that, she published original research on Orgasmic Birth, and co-authored 3 books with Celeste Hirschman: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together.

She has also written extensively on sex, relationships, and dating, and is frequently quoted as an expert resource in publications.

To everything she does, Danielle brings her unparalleled passion, depth, intuition, and magnetizing personality.

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