After twenty-five years of Tantric practice,
the essential unity of sex and spirit seems so obvious to me that I
almost forget the rest of the world doesn’t
necessarily see it that way.
The Sufi teacher Hazrat Inayat Khan said, "Love is the sign of Spirit,"
and in my mind this always included erotic love. Recently, when a friend
invited me and my teaching partner to give a talk on Sacred Sexuality at
his Church, I realized I would have to find a way to explain myself that
would make sense to the uninitiated. Here is what I said.
Why is sex sacred? The dictionary defines
sacred as "made or declared holy, dedicated or devoted exclusively to a
use, purpose, or person worthy of reverence or respect." The word itself
comes from the Latin, sacra meaning "sacred, holy, consecrated," that
is, blessed or revered. The noun (singular) is sacrum, meaning a holy
thing or place.
While patriarchal religions have defined
sacred and spiritual as being separate from the body, from nature, and
certainly from sex, the ancient roots of our language imply a different
understanding. It is no coincidence that the word sacrum is also the
anatomical term for the triangular bone at the base of the spine, the
very place which Tantra tells us is the seat of the sleeping kundalini
or Shakti energy. When aroused through Tantric practice, the kundalini
rises up the spine to awaken the spiritual centers in the brain.
So our language
suggests that once upon a time, Western Civilization understood
the sacred nature of sex. This wisdom was lost during the
Inquisition; in fact, one might say that this was the purpose of
the Inquisition: To create a cultural shift from sex as sacred
to sex as sinful, as the movie, Dangerous Beauty (left),
beautifully demonstrates. Now it is time to return to the ancient wisdom of
worshipping life rather than death. Or as we said in the sixties, "Make
love, not war.”
Sacred is understood differently in indigenous cultures where the concept of sacred is one of relationship rather than
edict. In native cultures, humans, animals, plants, and especially the
Earth herself are sacred because of we are all part of the Whole. No one
and no thing have to be proven worthy to be considered sacred. All of
creation is inherently sacred because it is part of the interconnected
web of ecology that sustains life. In this worldview, Earth is not only
seen as sacred but as a living being. Sacred is a kind of awareness, not
a function of ego, of the logical mind, but more of an intuitive or
direct awareness of patterns running through everything around us. This
is sometimes called synchronicity, or the Tao. Here is another
meaningful coincidence! It just so happens that tantric lovemaking turns
on the "Right" Brain — that part of the brain that perceives patterns.
So
we have two different ways of looking at the meaning of sacred
sex which are complementary. Just as the love of the Mother and the love of the Father are complementary, the Western and indigenous understanding of sacred are two sides of the
same coin.
Sacred Sexuality, or Erotic Spirituality, as I
prefer to call it, is a part of virtually every spiritual tradition
around the world. In the last couple of decades elements of Tantra have
been blended or fused with elements from Taoism, Native American,
African, Christian, Pagan, and Jewish paths as a basis for revisioning
sexuality.
In the pre-Christian view, sex is sacred
simply because it’s part of life. In the Christian view sex must be
shown to be deserving of reverence. No problem! Here’s why it’s worthy!
First, Sacred Sexuality implies an awareness
that sex is the inception of life, of all that is. Without the sexual
act, none of us would exist — at least not as incarnate bodies. Sacred
Sexuality acknowledges that our life force and our sexual energy
originate from the same source. It’s an expression of awe and wonder
that transcends any particular culture.
Sex is sacred because of its role in bonding.
Mutually satisfying sexual exchanges naturally intensify bonding, but
sex can take place without bonding if we’re careful to keep our hearts
closed. Sex opens the heart only if we bring the energy up. The Tantric
attitudes of slowing down, awakening all of the senses, tuning in to
subtle energy, letting go of judgment and blame, expressing gratitude
for the gift of life, and savoring the present moment are wonderfully
supportive tools for intimate relating.
To bond with someone is to form an enduring
connection -- to feel a strong sense of mutual caring, intimacy, and
appreciation. Bonding satisfies our need to belong and can occur in the
absence of sex whenever a powerful shared experience creates a feeling
of kinship. Not only is bonding critical to survival for many species,
it supports health and happiness. People live longer and have fewer
problems when they have a family-social-community context. Sex helps
bring people together and keep them together. What else could motivate
us to overcome the difficulties we encounter in intimate relating? Love
making is more fun and more readily available than natural disasters,
war, and other life threatening situations.
Erotic energy works its magic far beyond the
plant and animal level as well. Look at gravity! Gravity is the name we
give to the force of mutual attraction that holds the cosmos together,
but spiritual teachers throughout the ages have pointed out that
magnetic pull is just another name for erotic love.
Sex is sacred because of its role in accessing
peak experiences of love, oneness, and healing. Humans have an innate
need for peak experiences of bliss, merging, and ecstasy. We have a deep
longing for the (re) union of sex and spirit, for union with the Divine.
When we access expanded states of consciousness through sex we validate
our intuitive sense that sex can be worship and that worship can be
erotic. Tantra and other paths of Erotic Spirituality teach us to
embrace and honor the body as a temple of Spirit, rather than trying to
deny our natural sexual impulses.
So when we bless, purify, or honor the body as
part of a sexual encounter, when we bond more deeply as a result of
lovemaking, or when sexual union catapults us into higher consciousness,
we make sex sacred.
