How is sexual energy work different from “just having sex”?
How is meditation different from
“just sitting”? At surface level, this work is not entirely distinct
from other sexual experiences you may have already had. And to any
outside observer, the appearances may not seem very different at
all.
As in all of
life’s choices and activities, however, it is not what one sees
outwardly that determines the content of what is really going on …
it is the quality of the awareness and intention involved that
matters most.
From the outside,
sexual energy work may look different only in terms of the pacing
(slower, not outcome-focused), and the directional flow of the
attention (exclusively from the yang/giver to the yin/receiver –
regardless of gender). And I would suggest that, with some
regularity, it be further distinguished by the absence of any
familiar, habitual culmination in intercourse.
Again, these are
distinctions that can conceivably show up in any experience of sex.
But as with meditation, it’s what’s going on inside that makes all
the difference.
This work
involves an increase in the clarity of one’s intention and focus
combined with the suspension of preference and expectation. It is
approached as a devotional act – a conscious surrender to
possibilities and energies. Those who fully commit to this
exploration are focused not on “getting off,” but on observing how
our system’s most basic generative energy is experienced and engaged
with … and how it gets expressed.
“Just sex” can be an expression of
many things, ranging from a mindless physical/ biological urge … to
a very mental form of manipulation … to the aware, bodyful (as
opposed to mindful) celebration of a profoundly shared culmination …
and everything in-between! It always involves negotiations and
agreements (whether explicit or implicit, subtle or amplified), played out in a sometimes fluid, sometimes disruptive
dance of giving and receiving … or (with the impulsive “acting out”
of unconscious needs) imposing and taking.
Intentionality
The intention of this work is unapologetically attuned to the
exploration, acknowledgment and celebration of the receiver’s
sexual energetic landscape – its more feminine, receptive realities
… and its expressive possibilities. This intention is not dimmed or
distracted by the kinds of negotiations that normally occur during
sex. It is not contingent on anything or anyone beyond the moment.
This is not about normal, every day relating – it is consciously
focused interior work.
Focus
It focuses on energy. Energy flows along paths of circuitry.
Circuitry can be clear and open, or blocked and constricted. In
addition, even with familiar and trusted lovers, there is often a
“side program” that overlays our circuitry – kind of like tarnish –
and operates as an inhibitor of sensation and expression.
This side program
is concerned with the past (“I remember when this did/didn’t
work/feel good/etc.”) and the future (“What will he/she think of me
if I _____? How will this impact what is possible on the other side?
Will he/she still respect me in the morning…?”)
It takes real
clarity of intention, focus, and permission to overcome blockages
and disrupt this programming – to create just a glimpse of
possibility in the moment and open to alternative experiences. It
helps to have a partner who can enter a transpersonal space while
honoring the sacredness of the exploration; it supports, affirms and
encourages this same ability within the receiver.
Relaxation and Receptivity
Sex is typically an exercise in building tension and riding the
experience of its release – the crashing wave. The focus in this
work is on building relaxation, opening into receptivity, and riding
the experience of a release of unconscious withholdings and
constrictions – the swelling tide. While both experiences can be
orgasmic, the effect of the relaxing into experience seems to infuse
consciousness over time. It seems to “polish our circuitry,” leaving
it cleaner, clearer, more available for daily life.
This is a
mutually reinforcing dynamic. Together, the partners to intimacy can
induct a field in which “the feminine” (in everyone involved) can
more fully soften, open, accept, and release (SOAR!) And even when
“the masculine” (regardless of gender) does not engage through
penetration, there is an energetic wave that washes through the
entire field, so that the activation and clearing of the “internal
circuitry” is gifted to both.
Sexual energy work is a sweet
(sometimes challenging!) glimpse into a deep reality: the more
selfless each of us can be, the more gifted we will all be in the
process.
