How Our Fear of Sex is Destroying the Planet

Veronica Monet, ACS

And you thought global warming was the problem? Well, it is one of many major crises facing us today. You can add to that what seems to be a very human inability to avoid war and don’t for­get the AIDS epidemic. Plus human history is littered with rape and murder. Violence seems almost a genetic predis­position which we can’t control. This year, the United States surpassed all the other nations of the world in the percentage of its citi­zens who are currently incarcerated.

One in one hundred people now live in prison in the US and pris­ons are fast becoming a major industry for our country. War, famine, violence, AIDS, the population explosion and global warming - nations and individuals are struggling to find solutions to the most pressing issues of our time. But are we looking in the right direction? The short answer is "NO." Because of cultur­al training and persistent taboos, the key to our survival eludes us.

First we must ask "What IS Sex?" Most people think that is a stupid question. Sex is when you put a penis in a vagina? But gay people have sex and they don't do it that way. Is oral sex - sex? And how about the many people who prefer BDSM? How does Tantra fit into the sexual arena?

These questions can get us started in exploring the role sex plays in our life but they still fall short of the broader  perspec­tive. Most conversation regarding sex relegates it to a pleasant but potentially troublesome aspect of life - it is not accorded a central role in the really important issues which face the planet today. But how much sense does that make? After all, isn't sex the ONLY reason you are reading this right now? After all, if two people had not had sex - you would never have been born. Sex must be a central part of life. What about food, you ask? Well there would not be any food either, if it were not for sex. Pollin­ating flowers leads to fruit and vegetables. Flowers are sex or­gans. Pollination is sex.

So what you may ask? Well, if sex is central to the existence of EVERY living thing on the planet, why don't we spend more time learning about it? Why do we spend so much time trying NOT to talk about it? Why are we SO embarrassed and afraid of the topic?  And why do we assume it is just a part of life - instead of the very center of life?

Some people use sex to grow spiritually. Did you know that? Tantra takes sex to a spiritual level. Meditation uses sexual (kundalini) energy. Just learning to breath consciously can pro­duce firebreath orgasms. Maybe we don't know as much about sex as we thought?

In fact, our fear of sex is at the root of many if not most of our problems as a species, as a nation, as families and as individu­als. In a nutshell, it comes down to this - as long as we can't talk about sex as pleasure and spiritual connection, as long as we are afraid of sex, it will continue to be our biggest problem. And out of that avoidance and fear grow all kinds of global re­percussions, such as a population which has doubled since the year I was born (1960), an AIDS epidemic, food shortages, the daily burning of the Amazon forest, dwindling resources, in­creasing societal violence and never-ending wars.

Here are three primary reasons that sex and the destruction of the planet are linked:

Fear is the problem.
Fear of sex is the core issue.

The solution is an honest and courageous re-evaluation of what actually works. It is time for humans to use their big brains and create the kind of life we really want – a life designed for sustainability and peaceful community. That can only happen if we are willing to abandon the superstitions which hold us prisoner to ways of coping which create more suffering than solutions.

For instance, our fear of sex leads us to instruct people about condoms in a manner which discourages their use. Dry, clinical descriptions of applying a condom remove the erotic component which is central to sexual desire. Most educational outreach at­tempts to motivate people through fear, but pleasure is a much more persuasive motivator. The most effective way to encour­age the use of latex barriers is to teach pleasure. Latex barriers such as condoms can be very erotic and if more people knew this they would be more likely to use them.

But being safe sexually can be so much more than knowing how to use a condom. There are all kinds of sexual practices which do not risk pregnancy or disease and which create profound in­timacy and spiritual fulfillment. These sexual practices often scare people who think sex is about procreation or marital duty. Conversely, some people are afraid that talking about sex will remove the romance. Either stance is full of fear and does no­thing to evolve human sexuality and promote well-being. We need to discuss sex without fear and shame, so we can moti­vate people to pursue the pleasures of safer, nonprocreative, mind-expanding sex.

AIDS is a huge health crisis largely connected to sexual behav­ior. And here again, our efforts to curb this disease are foiled by our fear of sex. Unable or unwilling to explore pleasure and pas­sion with those we would educate about the dangers of sex, we leave entire populations with only one model for survival: the reduction of pleasure. But how much more effective would we be in our quest to stop the spread of HIV if we could break free from our fear of sex and pleasure? Can you imagine the joy and sense of freedom which would infuse the entire topic of safer sexual practices? Teaching ways to achieve more sexual fulfill­ment and orgasmic bliss actually incorporate incredibly safe sex­ual techniques. The world needs to know this.

The Whore/Madonna Complex is still alive and well even in sup­posedly sophisticated and advanced cultures. Women are pe­nalized for being “too” sexual or “too” powerful in a variety of ways but the biggest cost to society is the loss in the produc­tivity and potential of all women. In matrifocal cultures such as that of the bonobo (an ape closely related to humans and chim­panzees) and the Mosuo (a Chinese ethnic minority group who live high in the Himalayas), the wisdom and authority of older females is honored and respected. These cultures are non-vio­lent as a result of this reverence for female power and the lack of stigma and taboo surrounding sex. Interestingly, these two tend to travel together: female power and sexual freedom. And conversely, sex-positive cultures tend toward a constellation of attributes which include non-violent approaches to living in community, respect for female wisdom/authority and a sharing of resources.

The world’s problems are daunting but if we begin with the soli­tary truths about our individual lives, we can make changes which will create a positive impact locally and globally. Our fear of sex dramatically reduces our ability to be productive individu­als. In fact fear of sex lies at the root of sexual dysfunction, sexual addiction and sexual abuse.

Fear of sex drives us toward materialism and away from intima­cy and spiritual connection. Our sexuality lives at our core. We can no longer afford to avoid the topic or treat it like a peri­pheral part of our lives.

A healthy connection to our sexuality creates peace of mind, a gentler disposition, unlimited creativity and personal empower­ment. Integration of the individual leads naturally into the evo­lution of human society away from our historical failings and toward a future bright with possibilities!

Veronica Monet, ACS, author of Sex Secrets of Escorts - Tips from a Pro (Alpha Books 2005) and a Certified Sexologist invites you to Get Off the Hamster Wheel! Ever feel like your love life is a re-run?

Tired of seeing the same relationship dynamics over and over again? Veronica specializes in helping you see your patterns and implement techniques for genuine change so you can cre­ate the love, sex and intimacy you crave!