A Celebration of Self-Pleasure
Self-pleasuring is a celebration of all that you are – your essence,
your beauty, your perfection, your uniqueness. Loving yourself is essential to
fully loving another. You must know pleasure in order to give pleasure.
Self-pleasuring is a gift to yourself and to your erotic body, and
is not limited to the genitals. Pleasure your elbows, face, hair,
toes, and everything in between. I see a distinction in both energy and
intent between the words "self-pleasuring" and
"masturbation” (see
Save a Chicken Campaign) and prefer
to use the term "self-pleasuring."
Self-pleasuring is a celebration of pleasure, sensation, creativity,
expansion and self-connection. It fine tunes you erotically as it
educates you to your potential. Erotic potential is a personal
responsibility with both men and women. If you have not yet trained
your body to experience bliss, you cannot put that responsibility on
your partner.
Create a personal sacred space that just “feels good” to you. It may
be a corner of your bedroom, or an unused guestroom. If you are
able, maintain this space permanently. Floors are very conducive for
any pleasuring experience as they do not absorb and diffuse energy
to the degree that bed mattresses do. Comfort is essential, though -
a thin mat or a few layers of blankets may be sufficient. Add some
pillows and any objects that have a special significance to you - a
smooth stone that you love to touch, a lock of hair, a photograph,
love letter. You want to engage all of your senses, so
add some scented candles, aromatherapy or incense. Just as you may have
some conditions with partner lovemaking (shower first, lights off, etc.), become conscious
of any conditions for self-pleasuring - after meditation, warm
room, vibrational music.
To start your pleasuring, engage in any practice that relaxes you -
such as a warm shower, soft music, or meditation.
Gazing into a candle flame works well for many people. Add an intention and
perhaps a prayer of gratitude and celebration for your magnificent
and magical body. Be creative and lovingly present with yourself.
Now add
some deep breathing as breath is the ultimate catalyst for
sensual and sexual pleasure. It is the bridge between mind and body,
and focusing on it can anchor you to the present. It may unhook you
from all those thoughts cursing through your brain and will connect you
with your essential life energy (prana, chi, ki). Breathe all the way
down to your soft belly and let it out with a sigh. Your charkas
will love that sound vibration. When your breathing is flowing
comfortably, add some PC squeezes.
(Look right for Sing That Kegel Song)
Erotic energy thrives on variety, so change some of your habits. Alter the
time of day you self-pleasure, alter the space, and alter your body
position, techniques and practices. Bring in additional variety
through body oils or lotions, scents, and skin sensation toys such
as a dry body brush, fur mitt, feather duster, ice cube.
Including variety is one of the most valuable tips on how to improve
sex.
Remember that self-pleasuring is about sensation and connection, so
don’t rush through the process. You may want to spend several
sessions just breathing and squeezing. Then add some touch
stimulation, possibly with a feather or a silk scarf. Lightly caress
your body, initially avoiding arousal, so do not focus on the
genitals and breasts. When there is no goal for arousal, orgasm or
ejaculation, the pleasuring experience helps you to be fully present in the
moment as expectations are temporarily out of the picture.
With full presence, you are able to totally enjoy every single
sensation. Focus your mind on each sensation and maintain a
comfortable breathing pattern.
Proceed with touch sensation slowly, and gradually move towards the
genitals. Use a luxurious lubricant and various touch techniques. At
this point, your body will likely be deep breathing naturally. Play
with your arousal level and when a sensation is particularly
stimulating, continue it for a short time, then move away and
return. Continue to create anticipation and teasing. You may end
your pleasuring session when your body wisdom suggests, whether or
not you have reached orgasm or ejaculation.
Women
Include your breasts in your pleasuring routine.
Women often scrutinize their breasts, being critical of the shape
and size. Viewing breasts from the outside as imperfect objects can
create a dissociation with them - cutting off the ability to feel
sensations and pleasure. Include lots of breast caressing in
your routine and you may become more aware of that energy connection
between your breasts and genitals. If you use a vibrator, move it
continually so that it does not cause numbness. Also refrain from
using it regularly, so that you can naturally reconnect with your
full arousal potential.
Men
Have some "flag pole fun." While standing, place a
handkerchief on your erect penis, squeeze your PC and the
handkerchief should wave a bit. Now practice the same technique
using a washcloth and then a hand towel. As your PC muscle
strengthens, your "wave-ability" will increase. Pleasure the
entire shaft of your penis, not just the tip and vary your body
position. Try kneeling or squatting, as those positions change your
groin muscles, thus changing your experience. You may also want to
include a prostate massage which is incredibly arousing for some
men. You can find a prostate massage tool at
our
Sex Coaching Pleasure Products Super Store.
