More Fun than Ever
Everyone has sexual fantasies. (You didn't think you were the only
one, did you?) If you are willing to follow, they will lead you
right to the part of you that is seeking your own loving awareness.
Every time. That's why they're "hot" - they are trying to get your
attention!
Acting
them out in the real world is not helpful, even if you get
something close to what you want. At best, it doesn't meet your real
need, so you end up confused and frustrated. At worst, it becomes
hurtful to you or someone else.
When using fantasy with your friends, always begin by talking about
what, exactly, is the "heat" in your story. No need to analyze it;
simply try to get to the heart of it. Then create the characters,
and see where they lead you! Throughout, remember to pay attention
to what you are feeling and what you need. Though the story can take
surprising turns, be sure to stick to the agreements and boundaries
you have set. This creates the safety for you to truly let go and
play.
The characters allow hidden parts of you to be seen and experienced,
which bring insight and empowerment. Some fantasies involve actual
life experiences that you would like to relive with a different
outcome, or with power you didn't have at the time. Some take on
things you would never do in real life, for very good reasons, but
which still have something to teach you. Some fantasies tap into
archetypes like the queen or the captive, and lead to profound
insights about life. Some are just for fun - and some characters ask
to come back and play again!
Does this mean that if you "work through" all your fantasies, you
won't have any more really good hot ones to play with? Not at all!
It means that they deliver their gifts and become part of your play
repertoire. And don't worry. All indications are that there is an
endless supply!
Fantasy can be a great way to play with a trusted lover or friend,
as long as you are both clear about your intentions and your
boundaries. Remember to talk thoroughly about what you are seeking,
agree on the story line, and have clear signals for time-out or
quitting. Then let your characters play! It's important to come back
later and talk about what you have learned, and clear up any questions.
Ice Cubes,
Feathers, and Other Essentials
Is your lovemaking the same as it was last month? Last year? For
eons? Are you ready to get creative and let your pleasure sky-rocket?
Erotic energy thrives on variety, and experimenting with toys is a
fun way to learn how to spice up your sex life.
Skin craves a variety of sensations and chances are you have many
'sensational' toys right under your nose – a single feather, piece
of fur, dry body brush, hairbrush, feather duster, silky scarf, ice
cube, paper fan, scratchy wool mitten, ping pong
paddle, blindfold – not to mention all the potential hiding in your
refrigerator. How about a treasure hunt for you and your partner
(naked or not) to gather some goods?
For an erotic date
night, invite your partner on a surprise 'field trip' to a sex toy
store. Before you enter, make an agreement that
you will spend at least 30 minutes slowly perusing the merchandise,
including all the goodies you never thought you’d buy. And make
another agreement that you will each purchase an item to be shared.
If the drive home seems interminable, marinate in the anticipation
and enjoy the journey!
