Myths & Misconceptions About Orgasms

Judy Barton, Sex Coach

Throughout the ages we have proposed many different theories and practices regarding sex and orgasm. Some have been laid as a foundation of truth and approved in generality, while others were passed over for lack of conformity, and agreement of the masses. The dictates of society have left a mark on our sexual condition, holding in tact, the many myths and misconceptions, in a one-dimensional frame. Those fallacies have now become the center of an increasing number of failed relationships and unful­filling sexual experiences.

We have been lead to trust that orgasm comes as a direct re­sponse or reaction to the physical stimulation our partner pro­vides, the result of his/her powerful magic. The focus turns to the sensations provided by a touch or position as we struggle to find just the right spark to provoke the grandiose finale. We pass the blame for any inadequacies to some stressful life event or hormonal mishap, which surely must have contributed to any failed attempts.

Our misguided authority has further taught us that our partner holds the duty and responsibility for our orgasm. It is a gift we feel is owed to us as part of our agreement to share ourselves intimately. Orgasm is our reward for participation and a job well done. We hold our partner liable if our sexual encounter fails to produce that magical moment in orgasmic bliss. We carry guilt if we are unable to offer a climactic happening for our partner.

Far and away from those myths and misconceptions lie the realities. In truth, the responsibility for our orgasm belongs to us. As we are each responsible for our own life experiences and the paths we take, so too are we each accountable for our own sexual ventures. Sharing our sex does not automatically transfer those obligations to our partner, nor does it offer him/her up as a sacrifice or scapegoat if orgasm is not achieved.

Sex and orgasm are born
of the mind and live there.
 

A touch can spark interest, but it is the power of the mind, which translates and transforms those sensations into the body experi­ence, and provokes orgasm. Sex and its rewards are created in the mind and it is the mind, which produces the cravings and needs satisfaction. The body simply reacts to the mental stimu­lation and affects. So, it is there that our journey must begin and through the power and brilliance of the mind we experience the ultimate end.

The quest to reach climax must find us open and receptive while allowing the mind to take us on that sweet journey into bliss. If the focus is on finding spots, creating sparks or dealing with the anxieties associated with possible failure, it cannot simultaneously lead an expedition into ecstasy. The benefits and rewards we seek from of our sexual encounters cannot be expected to magi­cally materialize from physical enticements alone, or otherwise be produced, if our thoughts have not accompanied us into the mo­ment.

Men all too often fall prey to the fallacies, thinking that to touch a woman’s body or that allowing her to show attention to theirs, will offer up their just rewards. Touching the mind is a much more powerful solution. Mental foreplay and intellectual stimulation will spark more intense interest and will more efficiently and effectively motivate and inspire the desired affect. Touch can only achieve the ultimate response if the mind is at the helm.

Women hold the power of sex.

They carry it in their belly and most are unaware of the influence and capabilities they possess. Where the mind could take them, if they are open to the possibilities, is limitless. However, for thou­sands of women, orgasm remains an elusive dream. It lives only in fantasy. Women are left behind, living in the myth and miscon­ceptions while searching for the right man with the magickal touch and lose interest quickly if he doesn’t possess the appro­priate skills. They remain blind to the power they hold to take themselves on that fabulous journey.

Self-pleasuring holds the greatest advantage of all. We are free to explore and experiment, and travel to the far reaches of fantasy, uninhibited, as the mind leads us to orgasm. If we limit our experiences to those, which provide for the physical aspects, we are left with superficial results at best, with little reward past the fleeting moment of self-gratification. Without the power of the mind to spark want and cravings, there is little chance we can touch and connect to the ultimate offerings that exist. We are left with an empty act of masturbation.

It is through the power of the mind that we can experience all of the grandness the universe has to offer. The mind will reveal that place of healing, calm, and rejuvenation our sex and orgasms pro­voke. Our partner can guide us, but cannot take us to the inner depths without the understanding and willingness to enter and explore the endless possibilities. And although the myths and mis­conceptions have inhibited the past, we have the power to shadow them with the truth of the future. The decision and outcome belong to us, as do the adventures and the journey’s ultimate conclusion.