Sexuality and Gender Issues
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Sex
Coach Says
Be Here Now
Today’s world, and especially the
workplace, reward goal orientation. Success usually requires the
ability to think ahead, plan your next step, move toward that end
result. In an intimate connection or love-making, goal orientation sabotages our bliss potential.
When we are focusing
on the future,
we can’t fully enjoy
the
present.
Meditation is a wonderful practice that assists us in being present
and turning off the mind chatter. Consider your pleasuring sessions
a form of meditation – a meditation of touch sensation.
Eventually you will be so totally immersed in the pleasure of a
single, light touch that distractions and goals will disappear.
Enjoy your "meditation time"!
A threesome....of sorts.
Lips and Lips (and lips!)
Think lips are sexy?
And red lips even sexier? Some anthropologists believe that the use
of lipstick stems from a woman's desire to have her facial lips
resemble her genital lips - rosy and ready.
Sex Coach
Erogenous Zones |
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Men Need Sex,
Women Need Love
and Vice Versa
Dr. Janet Hall
"Why won’t he say my name and use those three little words 'I Love
You Amanda.' That’s all I want to hear, but
oh no, the more I ask him to say it, the more he refuses. Yet it’s all
right for him to come home late from work without having phoned me, walk
in and play with the dog and turn on the television and get himself a
beer before he even remembers I live here too. Then he expects me to go
to bed with him and make amazing love! No way!”
Amanda was fed up. A very attractive woman with a strong personality,
she was used to getting her own way. But she was not getting anywhere
with her man, Bill. Together for two years after disastrous first
marriages for both, they were both fearful that this new partnership was
also going down the tube.
This is what Bill said. “I told her I loved her when we first moved in
together and nothing has changed, so why should I keep saying it?”
Most women would identify with Amanda and be very angry and hurt by
Bill.
 So what’s the solution? Bill needs to think about Amanda’s needs and do
his best to meet them if he wants to enjoy sex with her every day. He
needs to remember to call Amanda if he gets caught up at work. She needs
him to call if he’s going to be late. It’s a courtesy that shows he
cares and allows her to use her time in her most useful way. An option
for Bill is to set the alarm on his watch to go off at a certain time
each day and call her then. (Come to think of it, that’s not a bad idea
even if he’s not running late. A caring call just to say "I love you"
never goes astray when you want to please your partner.)
As
well as remembering to call, a man can immediately look for his partner
when he arrives home, give her a big hug and tell her that you love her
and that she looks beautiful (even if she’s wearing a track suit). DO
NOT guys, make the cardinal sin of moving your hands from the hug
position to the boobs and crotch zones. This is not the time to get the
gleam in your eye. I can’t tell you how many women have told me how much
they dread giving their man a hug because “he always thinks that’s a
signal to have sex there and then on the kitchen table.”
So ladies, if your partner has genuinely been caring and considerate of
your needs, then you should want to have sex with him. I’ve been told
too many times how much pain men experience when they are constantly
rejected by their partner. One man brought tears to my eyes when he
cried, “Dr. Jan, what can I do? I just don’t want to have to beg her for
sex any more.”
So there it is. Men do need sex and women need love AND vice versa. Both
can have their needs met. It’s just a matter of timing. First the man
needs to show affection and caring, then the woman needs to make sure
she lights his fire and everyone wins.
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I enjoy
hearing from therapists around the world. Dr.
Hall, from Australia, shares an interesting view-point on
this sex-gender issue. We welcome all perspectives
and, as we grow, will continue to provide varying and
even contrasting opinions.
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