When it comes to sex women need a reason;
men just need a place.
Adam came first – but men usually do.
Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.
He’ll fall asleep and she’ll fall in love.
While sexual humor may bring a chuckle
and provide ammunition for late night talk show hosts, it also carries
seeds of truth. Clearly men and women are different when it comes to
sex. There are no wrongs, no rights, and no one inhabits another planet.
These differences offer us
stepping stones to create the relationships and sexual experiences of
our dreams.
The topic of gender differences is best discussed in generalities, and
I’ve written accordingly. There are always degrees, variations and
inconsistencies, which bring their own gifts - when you can’t predict,
that sweet aphrodisiac of mystery emerges. I invite you to use these
concepts to spark conversation with a member of the opposite sex.
How’s your attitude and willingness? Have you enlisted in the Battle of
the Sexes? Are you hiding out in Fort Protection? Are you prone to
making disparaging comments about the other gender? In intimate
relationships, we often become vulnerable or volatile, and how well we
communicate will largely determine the quality of our relationship.
Early man, with his high level of testosterone,
had the responsibility of ensuring
the survival of the species. He needed to “spread his seed” as often as
possible, as far as possible, and as quickly as possible to avoid threat
from predators or enemies. Contemporary man’s sex drive also ignites
instantly, reaches full capacity within seconds, and can be switched off
very quickly. And he may desire sexual variety, which can be satisfied
by adding creativity to a monogamous relationship or by engaging
additional partners.
Women, with their lesser amount of testosterone,
typically have a lower sex drive and are less aggressive, which allows
them to deal with the restrictions of gestation and raising a child to
self-sufficiency. A woman’s sexual arousal rises slowly and cools
slowly, promoting relaxation and increasing her chances of conception.
While early man was spreading his seed, early woman was defending her
nest. A contemporary woman generally seeks quality rather than quantity
and prefers a monogamous male partner who is able to provide, especially
during gestation and child rearing.
Men want sex and women want love. This bold statement often triggers a
quick “Yes, but…” Primarily, I agree with this generality, and believe
that both genders ultimately want it all – to varying degrees at
different stages of their lives, different days of the month, different
times of the day, with different partners, and under different
circumstances.
For example, with menopause a woman’s estrogen level
decreases resulting in a greater ratio of testosterone to estrogen, and
she may become more sexually assertive. With middle age, a man’s
testosterone decreases making him more nurturing and less aggressive.
Erotic energy thrives on variety, so if role reversal or
inconsistency show up, have fun with it!
