Erections - The Way You Want Them

Sex Coach Says

Erectile Dysfunction

So many thoughts come to mind when I think about erectile dysfunction, or ED.

ED can have huge ramifica­tions for men, apart from the sexual experience, and as a Sex Coach, I am very aware of the extent of the distress.

ED may trigger depression, shame, reduced self-confi­dence,  relationship conflict, sexual avoidance, and dating reluc­tance.  Some men may turn to pornography as a last re­sort. And some may believe that their lack of attraction to their partner is causing the ED, and seek another.

There are many paths to reso­lution.  I mention 'reso­lution' rather than 'recovery', as in some cases, regaining the ability to have a strong erec­tion is not likely.  In my book, resolution is about satisfac­tion, and you may be amazed at the many FUN ways to gain satisfaction.  ED does not lessen your a­bility to enjoy pleasure sen­sations!

If I could change one thing in our sexuality mentality, it would be -

Now here's a few truths regarding women - (especially middle-aged and older):

With age, women prefer and need more foreplay before arousal - it's the hormones.

With age, women's need for a strong heart connection in­creases.

Sex without a heart connec­tion is likely to feel flat and empty - nothing like  'love­making.'

With age, women prefer to adopt a new sexual para­digm.  In my coaching ses­sions, we compare 'the four­teener' (it's a Colorado thing) paradigm with 'the multi-peaked mountain range' paradigm.

This new paradigm allows for
a more relaxed, communica­tive, heart-connecting, slower-paced, non-goal ori­ented experience - the per­fect environment for variety and play!  (Think fur, feath­ers, soft music, toys.)

Are you asking your partner to touch you where you want?  And how you want?  Don't avoid this one.  When you were 25 you were able to get hard just by looking or imagin­ing.  If you are middle-aged or older, your body needs spe­cific touch stimu­lus.  And that's normal!

Keep on self-pleasuring. 'Use it or loose it' isn't a joke and self-pleasuring is also 'using it'. The more sex a man has, the more he can have sex. Stim­ulation and erections - to any degree - are benefi­cial to the penis.

Sexual energy creates more sexual energy, and sexual satisfaction creates a desire for more sexual satisfaction.

Every situation is unique and there is no one path for all.  In addition to consciousness around your overall physical fitness, you may want to  consider:

Tantric exercises such as eye gazing, breathing, lov­ing touch, energy ex­change, can be beneficial.  (Are you rolling your eyes?)  If 'tantra' isn't your thing, think up another name for these exercises.  What­ever you call them, they will help you build a stronger foundation for sexuality. 

Add variety.  Yes! Yes! Yes! Erotic energy thrives on variety, so 'do it different.'

Consider contacting a Sex Coach for a personalized plan.

Pam Babbitt
Sex Coach

 

For every man, there comes a time when penile hardness wavers and erections become less dependable. This may occur along with the natural aging process, or it may occur more rapidly in men who have ignored their overall health, or those who are affected by certain illnesses. Medications, stress, smoking, street drugs or alcohol consumption may also play a role. In most cases, an unhealthy lifestyle can be corrected; and in most cases proactive commitment can bring about positive change in erections. Your general fitness level and your ability to have hard, dependable erections are very closely related. Simply, sexual fitness is a benefit of a healthy lifestyle.

Erectile dysfunction is a tree with many branches – relational issues, sexual history of abuse, and other psychological issues are among them. Stress, depression and smoking are among the largest limbs. Overall physical fitness is the core essential factor in sexual fitness. In this article I will focus on the path to restore and maintain sexual fitness via this core. Your particular situation may suggest that you also explore some of the other factors.

The first step is to get a physical exam by your medical doctor or a urologist, and don’t delay. A urologist functions much the way a gynecologist does for women. Let him know that you are interested in a comprehensive assessment, not just a drug prescription. If you are over 40 and experiencing a gradual increase in impotence, this could be indicative of cardiovascular disease. Studies are now showing that impotence may be a greater predictor than the traditional stress test. Arteries in the penis start to gum up before those in the rest of the body, so don’t procrastinate.

Testosterone

Testosterone is a masculinizing hormone that affects libido. It is pro­duced in the testes and the levels rise and fall throughout the day, and also naturally decline with age. Testing can determine a deficiency and your doctor may suggest replacement therapy, which needs to be carefully monitored.
 

The following symptoms may be indicative of low testosterone:
1)2)3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9)	Do you have a decreased sex drive? Are your erections less hard? Has your energy level decreased?   Do you have a decrease in strength or endurance? Are you losing height? Are you experiencing less enjoyment of life in general? Are you feeling generally sad or depressed? Do you fall asleep soon after dinner? Has your work performance deteriorated?

 

In addition to aging, the following may cause a drop in testosterone levels:
1)	Chemotherapy		3)	Pituitary gland abnormality	6)  Chronic illness
2)	Injury to the testicles		4)	Medication	7)  Stress
			5)	Alcoholism
Basic Plan for Sexual Fitness:
1)	Maintain a healthy lifestyle including exercise and good nutrition.
2)	Don’t take medications that you don’t need. If you maintain your weight and exercise regularly you are much less likely to develop high blood pressure, mild depression or other conditions requiring medication. Many drugs have sexual side effects. An alternative drug or supplement may be an option, and a healthy lifestyle change may enable you to go off medication. Consult with your physician regarding possible changes in your medication.
3)	Achieve ideal body weight and specifically eliminate any abdominal fat as it blocks testosterone that should be available to you, which affects sexual functioning.
4)	Cardiovascular exercise – With the increase in blood flow, more nitric oxide is produced, a key chemical involved in producing erections. Simply, the health­ier you are, the more nitric oxide you produce, the harder your erections.
5)	Do not smoke – Smoking causes much of the vascular damage in the penis that results in impotence.
6)	Drink alcohol only in moderation – For most men, moderate consumption of one to two drinks per day will not have an adverse effect on erections. Three drinks or more (considered heavy drinking) acts as a toxic drug with both short and long term conse­quences on arousal and erectile function. Alcohol consumption affects the pro­duction of nitric oxide which makes it difficult for penile tissue to relax enough to allow blood to enter. Steady and excessive drinking can injure the nervous system and permanently affect the ability to have an erection.
7)	Studies have shown that moderate consumption of alcohol can raise your HDL (good cholesterol) levels. As an option, you may want to take red wine extract, see below.
8)	Do your PC squeezes to strengthen that PC (pubococcygeus) muscle - If you are not familiar with your PC, it is the muscle that you would use to stop the flow when you are urinating. In both men and women it is a hammock shaped muscle that encompasses our genitals and it naturally weakens with age. You can do your squeezes while driving, at stop lights, while watching TV or talk­ing on the phone. The good news is that PC muscle strength can be regained fairly quickly. As with any muscle in your body, as you squeeze it you are in­creasing the blood flow which increases the oxygen. And while you are phys­ically strengthening a significant muscle in your genitals, you are also ener­getically bringing life to that area. A strong PC muscle can positively effect your arousal, erections and orgasms and your libido.
9)	Have frequent sexual contact – The more you make love, whether it is self-pleasuring or partner sex, the more you will want to make love and the more you will be able to make love. Aging causes erectile tissue to become less supple and frequent erections bring a regular flow of blood to the penis, keep­ing the tissue healthy.

Supplements for Sexual Fitness
You may want to consider supplements, herbal remedies, or ho­meopathy.  Please consult with a qualified practitioner for a plan that will support your overall health.

Healthy Prostate
The prostate gland is a walnut-sized organ located at the base of the bladder. It supplies semen that supports the sperm in the ejaculate. Prostate cancer is the most common cancer in men. With early detection, most men are diagnosed with the disease confined to the prostate gland where it is curable.

The International Journal of Cancer, October 2004 reports that drinking red wine can cut the risk of prostate cancer in half. Also, red wine has the strongest effect against the most aggressive types of the cancer. In the study, researchers found that men who drank four or more glasses of red wine a week lowered their risk of prostate cancer by 50 percent, and reduced the risk of the more aggressive forms by 60 percent. Resveratrol, an antioxidant compound found in the skin of red grapes, is thought to be responsible for the protective effects of red wine. Resveratrol is also found in raspberries, mulberries and redskin peanuts. White wine had no effect on prostate cancer risk, nor did beer or liquor. Red wine extract is an alternative source of resveratrol.

 

These suggestions are not intended as medical advice.  Please consult your physician before starting any new health plan.  - Pam Babbitt, Editor-Sex Coach