If you don't
(yet) know
Dr. Patti, she wrote the
book on sex coaching,
both literally and figuratively.
Dr. Patti's deep passion fuels her boundless energy, and
her accomplishments are awesome -
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nationally
board-certified clinical sexologist |
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world renown sex
coach |
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the author of hundreds of articles
and four amazing books
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a popular speaker to the masses and a
seasoned pro to her peers |
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a cyber-diva on sex, as the
original sexpert for iVillage.com, and host of her own
website and over 30 DVDs |
Dr. Patti has appeared on numerous TV shows - Montel,
Hard Copy, UPN, History Channel, Sexcetera,
CNBC, and CBS News.
You can read her words of wisdom in Cosmopolitan,
Men’s Health, Women’s Health and more.
AND
... if you
read Penthouse, you DO
know Dr. Patti.
Her credentials are even more awesome -
President of the American Association for
Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT);
Clinical Fellow, American Academy of Clinical Sexologists; Diplomat, American Board of Sexology; AASECT Certified
Sexuality Educator; Member of the American College of
Sexologists; Member of the Society for Scientific Study of
Sexuality; Associate Professor of Sexology, for the
Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality; and
faculty for the California Graduate Institute.
She has a
private practice in Los Angeles and leads cou-ples’ workshops in
California.
Dr. Patti is co-founder of SCI, the world’s
premier credentialing and training institute on sex
coaching.
Pam Babbitt, Editor
Sex Coach
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Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction
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Dear Dr. Patti,
My wife and I have been married for 23 very happy
and wonderful years. Before we married, we chatted and discussed
everything from political views to sexual ideas, and believe it or not
were actually able to come to agreement on just about everything.
Sexual ideas ranged from oral to missionary, and we agreed about
everything there too.
The one thing that we did not discuss however, was the probability that
we would ever have to deal with me having erectile dysfunction or ED. It
has not been so bad that it has come between us, but it has certainly
played havoc with my manly ways!! LOL
When we do agree on having masturbation
sex, I can almost get fully erect, but I have some questions. First of
all, I was told by my doctor here that I have somewhat of a blockage in
the smaller veins and blood carrying arteries in my tally whacker, so
this is what might be some of the cause of the problem of not being able
to obtain a full erection. Have you heard of any medical corrections for
this problem with adequate blood flow? Is there any other alternative to
correcting this problem other than having a quite painful (I would
imagine) rod inserted to get an adequate erection for sexual
fulfillment for her? I really do care about her sexual well-being, and
would like to find a way to correct my problem.
I realize age and having diabetes also play roles in this problem, and
have been very faithful in taking the medications prescribed by my
doctor. My cholesterol may be a little bit high, but everything else
seems to be really close to normal, and I’m maintaining that. I have
tried Viagra, and also another erection enhancer called Erexor. Neither
one seemed to provide any more of an erection enhancement, or seemed to
add any more capability to what I can already do. Does this necessarily
mean that I will never be able to obtain an erection ever again since
Viagra and another brand have been tried and neither one with success?
Hoping Harry
Dear Hoping Harry,
Thank you so much for not only sharing your story
and questions with me, but offering to be of help to others by letting
me answer you publicly.
Now, I must say that you are one smart cookie, having investigated many
alternatives to resolving your problems. Obviously, when you are facing
the loss of the usual erectile capacity you once had, things change.
And, yes, these are some of the expected vagaries of growing older, like
it or not, for us all.
First, let me suggest that as long as you can insert into your wife’s
vagina, you have an ample erection. That is often how we measure a man
for ED - as being hard enough for sexual penetration. In sex therapy or
coaching, we often talk about the soft penis being “stuffed” initially
inside of the female partner, even without a true turgid or rigid shaft,
which can then add excitement through both the idea of being inside of
her, along with the added benefit of pleasurable sensations enough to
produce a nice hard-on. When most men begin to lose their erection
because of a diminished blood flow capacity, as you have stated is the
case for you, this becomes an issue for you to discuss with your
urologist. Sometimes surgeries are possible to repair damage and
sometimes, especially given the complication of your being diabetic,
nerve damage occurs over time that cannot be reversed.
Here are my thoughts -
Why not enjoy and explore alternatives to
penetrative sex? If you and your honey already like to do the solo thing
as a dancing duo, keep at it. Using creativity is the key. Maybe you
want to explore
tantra
or other forms of sacred sexuality, and integrate breathing, eye
gazing, sensuality over sexuality, or even learn to “run energies”
through your own body-electrical systems and with each other to create
ecstatic waves of pleasure. Maybe you can dare to play with erotic
energy exchange, such as
BDSM
activities that become arousing for each other, even playing with
bondage or dressing up.
I suggest that you consider the self-injection method for medicating
your penis, if you are set on using penile penetration for the main
event. Those medications are very effective, and if the three brothers,
as I like to call the RX drugs (Viagra, Levitra and Cialis) had not
jumped on the scene almost a decade ago, you would find that using a
good quality penile pump (effective only to a point), self-injection,
and even the
MUSE system
of inserting medications by pellets into the urethra, might be your best
bet. Finally, having a permanent rod in your pecker as you state, is
usually the last resort. Penile implants are done surgically and can
make some men - who otherwise cannot produce a satisfying erection -
quite happy. Check out all of your options before going that route.
There is a natural herbal supplement,
Allurex, that may be helpful, that
I have personally researched and recommend to most of my male and
female clients for boosting their sexual enjoyment.
Read any of the good books today about
male sexuality, including:
Above all, keep the erotic connection flowing with you and your wife.
Find the joy in everything you do and keep up your good spirits!
Love and light,
Dr. Patti
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