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Q |
I really love my new partner. We get along great
and sex is good, but anal sex is my favorite and I don't know how to get
her into it. I've mentioned it a couple of times and she doesn't say anything. How can I talk her into it?
Eddie from Colorado
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A |
Whoa Eddie! I
understand your dilemma, but first it is important to remember the No. 1 rule of sexual engagement:
Never, ever try to persuade
a sex partner to do something they are uncomfortable with.
However, there are a few ways in which you can make it a 'comfortable
possibility' for her. |
Anal sex and politics have something in common: Most folks are
adamant about which camp they are in. Republican or Democrat
--- No way! or Oh, yeah! (Ben, our
Über Geek at SexCoaching.com, noticed another
commonality.)
Butt with anal sex, sometimes there is an expedition... Would you
like your lover to come on over to your camp? A comfortable conversation
sharing thoughts and options without judgment or persuasion is the way
to go.
1) No. 1 Rule of Sex (bears repeating): Do not ever try to persuade
a sex partner to do
something they are uncomfortable with.
2) Now, for the conversation: If you need an opener - 'I read
this article on anal sex.....' works well. Ask about her experience and
share yours only if she requests it. 'Was it fun?' 'What would you do
differently?' Encourage her to share about any reluctance. When she is
complete, acknowledge her conditions (#3), offer some suggestions to
satisfy them (#4), and
continue to ask for her input.
3) Consider her conditions: Be aware that most women have some
'conditions' for sex - whatever it takes to assure her comfort and
safety. That could be a shower first, a warm room, condoms, position
preferences, etc. Anal play is considered to be the most intimate sex
act, so take her conditions seriously, and let her know that you will
support her in meeting them. She will hear your words, but it is
your actions that will bring in the trust.
4) Meeting her conditions:
-
Is she concerned about cleanliness? Offer to wear a condom and
mention that some women prepare themselves with an enema.
-
Is she
concerned about pain? There are techniques to follow for comfort and
safety. Share what you know and find more info on the internet and
discuss it together. Watching an instructional video (below) is a great
way to lessen anxiety and learn together (and get turned-on together!).
-
Is she concerned about being vulnerable and powerless? As you learn the
proper techniques, she will understand that the receiver is actually the
one in control.
-
Does she have performance anxiety? Here, again, is where
a quality instructional video helps. Assure her that there are no
expectations and no 'wrongs.'
5)
Suggest that she take her time to think it over. And offer that you
both might enjoy some alternatives:
external
anal massage, internal
digital massage, use of a vibrator externally and internally.
Have fun
and be safe!
Visit The New School of Erotic Touch to
view their many erotic video classes,
taught by the world's leading experts.
