Practical guidance with sexuality

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Aging, Body Changes and Better Sex

"There is no question that sexual desire in women de­creases with age. Sexual desire, however, is only one variable defining sexuality in women. I would propose that sexual satisfaction in women as opposed to sex­ual activity or sexual desire is the defining variable in a woman’s sexual experi­ence."

Susan E. Trompeter, MD



Sexopedia

Prostrate - (adj) lying down, horizontal
 

Prostate - (n) an organ in the male body that surrounds the urethra at the base of
the bladder, controls the release of urine, and secretes a fluid that makes up part of
the semen.

 

Love After 45 Is
Now More Likely

A USA Today analysis of Census records of Americans ages 45-55 shows that the percentage of those who said they had never been married in 2006 had doubled since 1990, and the percentage of those who were currently married had dropped by 9%.

According to the most recent data from the federal Survey of Income and Program Partici­pation, which includes mar­riage, 13% of those who wed in '03 were 45 and older.

Internet dating has largely made it possi-ble for many of these later-life first mar-riages. Yahoo Personals re­ports a 33% increase from January 2006 to November 2007 among users ages 45 and over who say they have never been married.  Match.com reports an increase of almost 10%.

Source:  USA Today, June 27, 2008

 

And It Gets More
Costly With Age

According to the Center for Media Research, the Boomer Consumer, aged 40 - 59, spends more than three times the amount of money per month on spouses ($514) than adults under 40 ($169). With so many purchase decisions to make for the household, these buyers are an im-portant mar­keting sector even when they are not the prime target. The study also found that 40 and 50-some-things are more open to new brands.

 

Sex Coach
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Full Body Orgasms

Orgasms - Myths and Misconceptions

Tantric Sex Positions

Female Ejaculation

What is Tantra?

10 Things You Didn't Know About Orgasms

Tantra & Multiple Orgasms

Ice Cubes, Feathers and Other Essentials

11 Hot Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed

How To Last Longer

Masturbation

Sexless Marriage

Best Sex Positions

Pam Babbitt - Sex Coach

 

 Body Changes With Aging

James Zacharias, Ph.D., LMFT & Pam Babbitt, S.I.

 

 

Mature man and woman sharing an apple.

 

Sharing a healthy snack can be soooo much fun!

 

 All bodies transform with age -

Menopause happens, erectile dysfunction may creep in. A health condition may develop. Desires change and performance may not be what it once way.

The good news is -
None of these issues will determine the level of your sexual satis­faction.

The other good news is -
How you deal with these issues will determine the level of your sexual satisfaction.

Following are some examples of dealing with body changes nega­tively:

Assuming that menopause means the end of sex.

Assuming that lack of erection means the end of sex.

Viewing lack of female lubrication as an inadequacy or failure.

Not communicating about sex. Shutting down, isolating.

Avoiding touch because there won’t be any sex.

Making derogatory comments about the other gender: “He can’t get it up anymore, so why try” or “She’s over the hill.”

A boring relationship often translates into a boring (or non-existent) sex life. That is especially true with aging. Don’t be a couch potato. There is fun to be had at any age.

Unwillingness to adopt a new sexual paradigm. For full sex­ual enjoyment, consider a new model for your sexual exper­ience.

Holding frustrations or anger around physical limitations. With adequate communication, willingness to make adjust­ments, and meet your partner’s conditions, problems can be solved.

Redirecting all of your energy to other areas of your life – children and grandchildren, hobbies, volunteering, etc. and no longer putting energy into your relationship.

Female body changes -

The waist thickens, hair grays, wrinkles appear, less body flexibility - all may attribute to a woman’s poor self-image. When a woman sees herself as unappealing, it is more dif­ficult for her to initiate or comfortably engage in sex. In­hibitions set in. Our culture suggests that women need to maintain their youthful appearance, further supporting that poor self-image. Product and service marketing is heavy – hair dye, wrinkle cream, body slimming attire, cosmetic sur­gery.

Menopause may be an excuse to “shut the door” – it is often used if sex was never satisfactory, and less used if sex was previously satisfactory.

Menopause symptoms - hot flashes, night sweats, sleep loss, vaginal dryness, hormone imbalance, decrease in hor­mone production.

A decrease in estrogen causes -

Decrease in size of the clitoris, labia minor, and uterus.

Thinning of vaginal walls.

Loss of vaginal elasticity.

Less vaginal lubrication.

A greater ratio of testosterone to estrogen. Women often become more assertive and self-reliant around 45 to 50.

Pelvic muscles may weaken causing incontinence. Kegel exercises are helpful.

Male body changes -

Waist thickens, hair grays, possibly baldness, wrinkles ap­pear, less flexibility - all may attribute to poor self-image. When a man sees himself as unappealing, it is more difficult for him to initiate or comfortably engage in sex. Inhibitions arise.

Longer time to get an erection. A younger man has psycho­genic erections (caused by mental stimulus). Older men need physical stimulation.

When an older man is no longer aroused by seeing his nude partner, he may conclude that he is no longer attracted.  His partner may too. Open communication can help partners avoid false assumptions, conflict or the drive for other stim­u­lus.

Maintaining an erection may become more challenging.

Scrotal tissue sags, and testes shrink and lose their firm­ness.

Sperm production declines.

Orgasms are not as strong.

The amount of ejaculate is less and the desire for ejacu­lation is less.

Refractory time is greater.

Men with early ejaculation issues have greater control as they age.

The prostate enlarges with age. By the age of 80, 80% of men have enlarged prostates. Prostate massage along with PC squeezes may be helpful.

Men’s hormones also diminish with age (male menopause). With middle age a man’s testosterone decreases making him more nurturing and less aggressive. 

 

Better Sex Doesn't Require
an Erection or Orgasm
 

Sex Over 50 by Joel D. Block, Ph.D.


"
Remember that 'sex' is more than inter­course.  Making love does not require an erection, an orgasm, or ejaculation."

Joel D. Block, Ph.D.  


 

How to Have Better Sex
As You Age

"... what can we safely say about sexu­ality in later life?  Many people, not only the young and middle-aged, but older people themselvesThe New Love and Sex After 60 are quite uniformly nega­tive about the pro­spects of contin­ued sex­ual interest and abil­ity.  Many as­sume that the game is over some­where in late midlife or early later life.  They couldn't be more wrong."

Robert Butler, M.D. 
Myrna Lewis, Ph.D.

The New Love and Sex After 60
 

 

 

Mature man and woman giving the OK sign.

 

 

Better Sex is a Specialty of Aging

"Even though young people get a­roused more quickly, amazing sex is a specialty of people in their 50s and 60s.  In youth, women struggle to be sexual but not "cheap"; and men are easily threat­ened.  Mid-way through life, you have a stronger sense of self and are less self-conscious and in­secure."

David Schnarch, Ph.D.
Passionate Marriage

 

 

  Check it out!

Sex and Aging Resources

 

 

Jimmyjane Sex Toy On-Line Store

 

 

 

"We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing."

George Bernard Shaw

 

Sex Myth No. 3

If you want to last longer, get your mind off what is happening and on any­thing else.

Definitely the wrong plan if you want to last longer! That practice will create a dissoci­ation with your body and your partner – total presence and engagement is the path to bliss, and it will help you to last longer.

 

 

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