"There is no
question that sexual desire in women decreases with age. Sexual
desire, however, is only one variable defining sexuality in
women. I would propose that sexual satisfaction in women as
opposed to sexual activity or sexual desire is the defining
variable in a woman’s sexual experience."
Susan E. Trompeter, MD
Sexopedia
Prostrate
- (adj) lying down, horizontal
Prostate - (n) an
organ in the male body that surrounds the urethra at the base of
the
bladder, controls the release of urine,
and secretes a fluid that makes up
part of
the semen.
Love After 45 Is
Now More Likely
A USA Today
analysis of Census records of Americans ages 45-55 shows that
the percentage of
those who said they had never been married in 2006 had doubled
since 1990, and the percentage of those who were currently
married had dropped by 9%.
According to the most recent data
from the federal Survey of Income and Program Participation,
which includes marriage, 13% of those who wed in '03 were 45 and
older.
Internet dating has largely made
it possi-ble for many of these later-life first mar-riages. Yahoo
Personals reports a 33% increase from January 2006 to November
2007 among users ages 45 and over who say they have never been
married. Match.com reports an increase of almost 10%.
Source: USA Today, June 27,
2008
And It Gets More
Costly With Age
According to the Center for Media Research, the Boomer
Consumer, aged 40 - 59, spends more than three times the amount
of money per month on spouses ($514) than adults under 40
($169). With so many purchase decisions to make for the
household, these buyers are an im-portant marketing sector even
when they are not the prime target. The study also found that 40
and 50-some-things are more open to new brands.
Menopause happens, erectile dysfunction may creep in. A health
condition may develop. Desires change and performance may not be
what it once way.
The good news is
-
None of these issues will determine the level of your sexual
satisfaction.
The other good news
is -
How you deal with these issues will determine the level of your
sexual satisfaction.
Following are some examples of dealing with body changes
negatively:
●
Assuming that menopause means the end of sex.
●
Assuming that lack of erection means the end of sex.
●
Viewing lack of female lubrication as an inadequacy or failure.
●
Not communicating about sex. Shutting down, isolating.
●
Avoiding touch because there won’t be any sex.
●
Making derogatory comments about the other gender: “He can’t get it up anymore,
so why try” or “She’s over the hill.”
●
A boring relationship often translates into a boring (or non-existent) sex life.
That is especially true with aging. Don’t be a couch potato. There is fun to be
had at any age.
●
Unwillingness to adopt a new sexual paradigm. For full sexual enjoyment,
consider a new model for your sexual experience.
●
Holding frustrations or anger around physical limitations. With adequate
communication, willingness to make adjustments, and meet your partner’s
conditions, problems can be solved.
●
Redirecting all of your energy to other areas of your life – children and
grandchildren, hobbies, volunteering, etc. and no longer putting energy into
your relationship.
Female body changes -
●
The waist thickens, hair grays, wrinkles appear, less body
flexibility - all may attribute to a woman’s poor
self-image. When a woman sees herself as unappealing, it is
more difficult for her to initiate or comfortably engage in
sex. Inhibitions set in. Our culture suggests that women
need to maintain their youthful appearance, further
supporting that poor self-image. Product and service
marketing is heavy – hair dye, wrinkle cream, body slimming
attire, cosmetic surgery.
●
Menopause may be an excuse to “shut the door” – it is often
used if sex was never satisfactory, and less used if sex was
previously satisfactory.
●
Menopause symptoms - hot flashes, night sweats, sleep loss,
vaginal dryness, hormone imbalance, decrease in hormone
production.
A decrease in estrogen
causes -
●
Decrease in size of the clitoris, labia minor, and uterus.
●
Thinning of vaginal walls.
●
Loss of vaginal elasticity.
●
Less vaginal lubrication.
●
A greater ratio of testosterone to estrogen. Women often
become more assertive and self-reliant around 45 to 50.
●
Pelvic muscles may weaken causing incontinence. Kegel exercises
are helpful.
Male body changes -
●
Waist thickens, hair grays, possibly baldness, wrinkles
appear, less flexibility - all may attribute to poor
self-image. When a man sees himself as unappealing, it is
more difficult for him to initiate or comfortably engage in
sex. Inhibitions arise.
●
Longer time to get an erection. A younger man has
psychogenic erections (caused by mental stimulus). Older
men need physical stimulation.
●
When an older man is no longer aroused by seeing his nude
partner, he may conclude that he is no longer attracted.
His partner may too. Open communication can help partners avoid false assumptions, conflict or the drive for other
stimulus.
●
Maintaining an erection may become more challenging.
●
Scrotal tissue sags, and testes shrink and lose their
firmness.
●
Sperm production declines.
●
Orgasms are not as strong.
●
The amount of ejaculate is less and the desire for
ejaculation is less.
Men with early ejaculation issues have greater control as
they age.
●
The prostate enlarges with age. By the age of 80, 80% of men
have enlarged prostates.
Prostate massage along with PC squeezes may be
helpful.
●
Men’s hormones also diminish with age (male
menopause). With middle age a man’s testosterone
decreases making him more nurturing and less aggressive.
Better Sex Doesn't Require
an Erection or Orgasm
"
Remember
that 'sex' is more than intercourse.
Making love does not require an erection, an
orgasm, or ejaculation."
Joel D. Block, Ph.D.
How to Have Better Sex
As You Age
"... what can we safely say about sexuality in
later life? Many people, not only the young and
middle-aged, but older people themselves
are quite uniformly negative about the prospects of continued
sexual interest and ability. Many assume that the game
is over somewhere in late midlife or early later life.
They couldn't be more wrong."
"Even though young people get aroused more quickly, amazing sex
is a specialty of people in their 50s and 60s. In youth,
women struggle to be sexual but not "cheap"; and men are easily
threatened. Mid-way through life, you have a stronger
sense of self and are less self-conscious and insecure."
"We don't stop playing because
we grow old. We grow old
because we stop playing."
George Bernard Shaw
Sex Myth No. 3
If you want to last longer, get your mind
off what is happening and on anything else.
Definitely the wrong plan if you want to last longer! That practice will
create a dissociation with your body and your partner – total presence
and engagement is the path to bliss, and it will help you to last
longer.
