Do You Have a Single's Bucket List?
Pat Nowak
I am sure you have heard about the movie "The
Bucket List." Two men, who are dying, compile a list of all the
things they want to do before "the end." The movie teaches us to
live life to the fullest and to use a list to chart your life's
course. To many, this makes perfect sense. Having a purpose
certainly eliminates the pointless day-to-day trivia that we hate.
I agree that everyone should have a life plan,
but I believe if you are single it becomes imperative that you
identify what is significant to you and that you address those needs
before making another commitment. Too often when we become single,
we want to quickly disperse with the awkward "no person in our life"
situation and find someone else to
fill the void. We lose our souls because we are too hasty when
choosing a new mate. Now we have the opportunity to fulfill our
long dormant dreams, so don't be so quick to pick out a new
companion, just yet.
Before you commit, make a list of the things
you always wanted to do if you were not encumbered with marriage.
You know those imaginings - a trip to Paris, yoga classes, golf
lessons, going back to school. Be all-inclusive about the list; this
is your time to dream big. Don't worry about money; often where
there is a will there is a way. Then begin work on the list: start
small, perhaps your wish is to plan a weekly gathering with friends.
Call them and set up a date for the next three months. You now have
one thing to cross off your bucket list and the enthusiasm starts to
grow. You realize that you enjoy your watercolor classes and now
want to try pottery. Those ski lessons are opening up a whole new
world of opportunities and friendships. The process is infectious;
you are now engaging in life!
Why
do you need a singles bucket list?
When your marriage (or relationship) is over, you may be at one of
the lowest points in your life. You may be desperate and willing to
accept any new companion rather than THE best companion. Under those
circumstances you will not make yourself any happier and misery
often prevails. This is now the time to put aside the misery and
think out of the box.
When making your bucket list, keep reminding
yourself that you are entitled to have it all. Since you are solely
responsible for that happiness, you need to make the decisions as to
what you want to do with the next six months, year or ten years. A
"significant other" in your life will not necessarily make you glow,
but
living your life contented will let your spirits soar.
As
your confidence grows you will find some amazing things happen. You
are no longer willing to settle for less than the best for your
life. You no longer need a mediocre relationship; you are free to
pursue the "happily ever after." A simple single's bucket list can
open up new horizons and the remarkable thing to remember is that
you are the one doing all the choosing. Your choices will cause an
outpouring of creativity, joy and courage, and you will be amazed
at how much one person can accomplish.
The more you are in control, the more you will
want to be, and when a new love comes along you will recognize how
successful relationships get started. The perfect partnership is a
combination of passion, humor, shared interests and comfort. If you
are comfortable with yourself, it will show a potential mate your
best assets.
So begin your single's
bucket list today; your future depends on it.
Pat Nowak is a renowned author, speaker, and life coach for the person who
becomes suddenly single through death or divorce. Nowak is the author of
The ABCs of Widowhood -
a book of practical advice in an easy to read format for those who face one of
life's greatest challenges.
