Complications to Connection…
Invitations to Intimacy
We are all seeking union with the divine, with the Beloved. All
but the most enlightened of us are continuously seeking it in
external form. At the same time, we feel increasingly wary of
intimate entanglements that will complicate our already overly
complex lives.
As I see it, we each generate extensive (and ever-growing)
lists of conditions and criteria by which we will evaluate
possibilities in our field of perception … then desperately lapse
into the hopeful trance of basic attraction without actually
applying them! Once engaged in intimacy, the spell eventually
breaks, and we “remember ourselves.” Suddenly, our lists loom very
large again, and we find ourselves judging, frustrated, dispirited,
and resigned to yet another breakup. So we become more wary, still.
And intimacy becomes less about connection and more about
entanglement …
What we tend to forget is that our “overly complex lives”
are the very things that keep us from approaching true communion
with the elusive Beloved. And that intimacy is the very key by which
we can consciously discern and dissolve the unnecessary
complications that populate our inner landscape. If I really want to
prepare myself for union, the things to cultivate are unconditional
stillness, simplicity, and self-appreciation.
These are the qualities that encourage the emergence of
Self, which is by nature whole and finds correspondence in those
appropriate “others” out there – who do exist and who also know how
to access wholeness. By limiting my availability to those who know
how to at least access wholeness, one dramatically narrows the field
of candidates for intimate relating, which may well trigger habits
of scarcity thinking and fatalistic despair.
But consider: it spares us (and others) a myriad of
distractions, complications, and disappointments. It allows us to
apply our energies and attentions in clearer and more focused,
appropriate ways. And while we are "watching and waiting” … we can
create and enjoy peace within ourselves.
Our list of “criteria and conditions” is actually one of
the first complications that dissolves. Communion, after all, is not
about qualifications, but correspondence. Appearances (the range of
surface perceptions) are naturally deceiving!
Correspondence is communicated less by how things appear,
and more by how they feel. It is communicated by energy. Our
physical eyes transmit hard data directly to the brain. But our true
eyes transmit something softer, less tangible and more meaningful
directly to the heart. And the heart is the appropriate center of
discernment, not the mind. So how does one shift from familiar and
frustrating patterns of seeking, seeing, and relating? Well, one possible approach involves three basic steps.
1)
Stop Just stop! Whatever it is I am doing, am trying,
am effort-ing … Stop. It sounds simple, but there are so many inner
pieces of ego personality and identification, and they each have an
uncanny survival instinct that, when combined with the basic
dynamisms of habit and momentum, will actually require great
patience, persistence, and a gentle tolerance for imperfection.
Stopping often takes longer than I think. And, by the way, just
because I think I’ve stopped doesn’t mean I really have! The mind
can persuade itself of anything that serves its limited perception
of “best interests” (such as assuring me that it has done its job
very well.) Instruction to self: Just stop to the best of your
ability. Don’t obsess over it.
2) Heart
center Move to the heart. That tender place under all my
protections and defenses and stratagems. Even if I know or can feel
there are pieces of me still spinning in their old ruts at the rate
of a thousand miles a second … I must start the movement anyway. It
is so contrary to the “old ways,” that the very movement toward my
heart center will help to calm and silence the habitual antics of my
ego – or at least draw precious attention away from them,
diminishing their grip, their power over my experience. At the heart
center, I can open to and explore my own immense capacities for
wholeness and love, grace and gratitude. In the surprising
spaciousness of my own core, nothing seems as compelling as the
mystery that resides within me in each and every moment of
existence. Instruction to self: Breathe it in. Deeply relax and
enjoy your Self.
3) Shift After breathing in, I am ready to breathe out. Not
literally, but metaphorically! After a space of time (the
appropriate extent of which no one can really predetermine), I am
ready to move outward again in a new way. My awareness can again
turn to engage with all that is swimming around me, this time a
tender appreciation for its innate perfection. I can more
consciously discern those energies that correspond and resonate …
and those that simply do not. I can approach things that call with a
subtle energetic attraction … and move away from those that do not.
I can open myself more fully to trust, to experience, and to
enjoyment, without feeling I need to be "in charge” or responsible
for making things work out. The yearning for connection and
communion is actually fulfilled in each moment, as I embrace the
perfection of who I am in the midst of this wondrous flow of life.
And in the absence of effort, in the absence of conditions and
strategies and manipulations … life miraculously begins to show me
the face of love in unexpected ways, unexpected places. Instruction
to self: Allow, trust, appreciate. Remain open to the potentials
that have not yet emerged, both inside and out.
Ultimately, nothing seems to look quite the way I expect.
And isn’t that a testament to the boundlessness of possibility?
