Money and
Love
Love and Money
Anonymous
I always thought that money was something to be dealt with and then
ignored, but relationships were to be cherished and talked about. I
thought I had a lot of perspective on the money thing and I thought
that the two should never be intertwined. What a romantic I was!
I have always had
a secure income - not a lot of money, but at least I always had a
steady income. I was able to provide for myself and my daughter and
a rather expensive international child custody case to have her with
me. So I figured that I had the money thing all figured out.
At the same time,
I always believed that money was the enemy. It was the root of all
evil.
As a child, money
was used as an instrument of manipulation in my family. If we got
money for something from my parents, then it was held against us the
next time we complained or were unhappy: "Are you going to do this
after all of the money we just put into your education?" "Your
father works very hard to earn the money that buys you these
opportunities and you’re going to act like this?"
It wasn’t
difficult to arrive at the conclusion that money would get you in
trouble.
On the other
hand, there were relationships. I thought that Love is pure and
unencumbered with the mundane realities of everyday life. I thought
(in the sense that a 17 year old thinks she knows everything) that
love has nothing to do with money. I thought that when you find your
soul mate, you’ll know – and nothing, not even money, will come
between you and him, and you’ll live happily ever after.
And you’ll never
have to talk about money. He’ll just know what you require
(financially) and provide it to you out of pure love.
During 30 years
and three marriages I tried to never look at the financial side of
relationships. I kept my finances separate from my husbands' and
never depended on them for anything.
And then, last weekend, I had an
awakening: I could finally see the light. Paul and I had a
heart-to-heart about our financial situation. It was painful. I
cried a lot. Here I had to tell my ‘soul mate’ what I required
financially. It really hurt.
I told him what I
thought I would need financially. And THEN he agreed that he could
do that for me. It just seemed so backward to me. He was just
supposed to KNOW!
Asking Paul to
help me was one of the scariest things in the world. But afterward,
it truly felt wonderful.
And lo and
behold: when Paul gave me that commitment -- that we are going to
work together as a team and that I don't have to be afraid of being
put out, destitute, to fend for myself, then something huge opened
up for me.
My heart opened,
my spirit lifted, I feel lighter and freer than I have in a long,
long time.
Now it's like
we're in a whole new relationship. We're goofy in love again, can't
get enough of each other and keep giving each other sappy smiles and
kiss all the time.
And it was all
financial security that made the big difference for me. I don't know
if Paul experienced a shift around things this weekend that also
brought him closer. I'll get back to you on that.
All I know is
that for me, finally discussing my needs around money, instead of
just hiding in my romantic notions of the knight in shining armor,
has opened my heart.
I hate that -- I
hate that my relationship has to have anything to do with money. But
I guess it does.
