Sex Coach
Says
Isn't it amazing that sexuality with its high priority in most of
our lives, tends to be one of the most difficult subjects to
discuss. Often it ranks higher than money, religion or
politics.
When
sex is unsatisfying or absent in a relationship, my coaching clients
often re-port "we don't talk about it."
If
change is desired, then communication needs to happen. In the
past, sex talk may have ended in accusations, tears, the silent
treatment, or maybe even a night on the couch. There's a
better way.
A
coach or therapist can guide you in mastering techniques for
heartful, effective communication and listening.
And
when the time is right, rediscovering each other sexually can be a
heart opening and playful experience. Are you ready to get
started?
Pam Babbitt, Editor
Sex Coach
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Relationship Articles
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Why do we find it so difficult to talk about sex, or openly express
our sexual needs and desires? What are we afraid will happen if we
do?
Most of us are taught that sex is a taboo subject, which is not
discussed openly in the name of decency. Nice girls don’t and
gentlemen mind their manners out of respect. Are we to assume then
that gentlemen and nice girls just always do it right? Following
this logic of assumption suggests that being prim and proper equates
to good sex and would leave communication as an obsolete necessity.
For the majority of us it is the fear of reprisals and judgments,
which provokes our silence. We’re afraid that if our secrets were
revealed in truth, we would be ostracized for our wicked thoughts
and evil lust. We are pre programmed to suffer embarrassment and
shame with regards to our sexual needs and desires. If the gift of
sex is meant to come with so many limits and restrictions one is
left to question who created the rules and by what reasoning and
logic they were set in place.
There are those of us who fear ourselves more than we fear what
others might think. We are afraid of what might be hidden in our
secret garden of sexual desire and are a little more than
apprehensive with regards to facing our own sexual realities. If we
don’t talk about it, it can’t exist. We assume that if we ignore it,
it will go away. What we fail to realize is how deeply these hidden
truths are embedded in our psyche and how seriously they impact our
everyday lives. Unwittingly they ultimately determine the paths we
take in all aspects of life.
The fact is that sex is not evil or perverse and poses no harm. It
is, however, the part of our inner being we often deny, the self we
repress. It is our essence, a natural piece of our intricate puzzle.
Sex is a natural force of nature and was not intended to be ignored,
hidden away, treated as an evil plague or a sin worthy of burning at
the stake. We should be taking full advantage of this great gift we
were given. Instead we tend to promote and nurture our unavowed
dreams and forbidden truths by confining their life to the dark
recesses of our unconscious mind.
Even if we dare not speak of this mystical, magical world of secret
fantasies and yearnings, it lives non-the-less and strives to break
through the walls we’ve constructed to hide its presence. Our sexual
seeds are carefully planted there and whether we tend them or not,
their roots will grow. Left unattended, it creates restlessness and
voids which we can never seem to fill. Our inhibitions and fears
merely serve to create a cycle of unfulfilling and discontented
relationships.
Like it or not, our secret garden exists. There is no shame in
recognizing its existence or accepting its realities. Great sexual
experiences do not come naturally with the disposition of our
personality and character traits, nor do they come as the result of
any set protocol. They are created and honed by the sharing of our
inner selves and openly addressing our needs. Crystal balls can
offer no solution, and assuming is a dangerous practice.
It isn’t likely we will we find a partner who is capable of reading
minds and will instinctively know of our needs and desires. It
requires that we say it out loud, express it in a form, which others
can understand.
Communication still is and always will be vital to the success of
any relationship and sexual experience. If we are fortunate enough
to find someone to share our secrets with, we are able to tear down
the walls and let the sun shine on our garden, allowing the blossoms
to grow freely. Greatness is achieved by providing an environment
for greatness to grow!
As always, sexual experiences should remain
safe,
sane and
consensual.
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