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We all have something to learn when it comes to understanding the other gender, communicating effectively, and achieving intimacy. If you perceive the gender differences between men and women as stepping stones to the relationships of your dreams and the exper­iences you crave, your attitude will help smooth the way.

Following are a few general and random hints to help you navi­gate the path. Please be aware that these are generalizations, which pertain to most women, most of the time.
 

1.

Women are more self-critical than men, and especially when it comes to their bodies. Sensi­tivity and understanding in this area can have a big impact. 

Consider this:  “I can see that you're upset about the weight you’ve gained.  You always turn me on and I love touching you."

Rather than this:  "So you’ve gained 5 pounds. Five isn’t that much. Why are you so upset?  You've gained that before.”

2.

Women are more likely to have “conditions” for sex.  They may not want sex when they've had a horrible day or when you've both been snarky all day, after a huge meal, after a hard work­out, or before a shower.  Recognize and acknow­ledge these conditions, rather than criticize, and offer to do what you can to help satisfy her needs.  She will feel cherished.

3.

Women often repeat themselves when they don't feel heard, or when they haven't received the empathy they seek. 

Consider this:  Listen, listen, listen.  Look her in the eye, and take her hand.  Honor her need to talk.  Don't interrupt and do not try to fix it.  Just stay present.

Rather than this:  "When are you going to let that go?"

4.

Don’t be predictable. It shows that you aren’t putting energy into the relationship.

5.

A boring relationship usually translates into a boring sex life.  Bring in some variety and spice it up on all fronts.

6.

Don’t regularly ask your partner to do things you can do for yourself.  Women often resent being in the role of a maid, secretary, or mother, and it becomes more of a challenge for them to then step into the role of lover. 

7.

Thank your partner after lovemaking - right then and there - it's essential. 

8.

Touch your partner in different ways, at different times, and in different locations - a hand on the small of her back as you are walking, a very light tickle on the palm of her hand during a dinner date, softly outline her lips with your finger, give gentle hair tugs, place a warm hand on the back of her neck, slowly arouse her by touching through her clothes, gently nibble her lips, and her ears - you get the picture.

9.

Follow-up on conversations.  Don’t leave it to your partner to keep filling you in. "Did your mother get her taxes done?"  "Did you ever find that book you were looking for?"  "I know that you have your mammogram tomorrow and you get anxious.  How about if I go with you, and if you like, we'll go to that new restaur­ant you wanted to try afterwards?"

When your partner is sharing about a situation that she is feel­ing anxious, sad, or angry about, do not make a joke.  Men often use humor to diffuse, distract, minimize or fix. Your partner may experience the timing of your humor as dis­honoring and distancing, and may even give up on her at­tempts to share her feelings with you. 

Your partner wants to feel like your lover, not like a replace­ment or the antithesis of your past lover. 

In a new relationship, do not share about your financial woes.

When dating, pay extra attention to your hygiene and ap­pear­ance.  It matters to her, and so does a (somewhat) clean car.

She believes that how you treat your mother will eventually be how you will treat her.

Confidence is a big turn-on for women, especially social con­fidence.

Many couples have developed a level of openness and com­fort when it comes to "body is­sues."  But if you haven't, and it really matters to you that she doesn't notice - don't even think about picking your nose, ears, toenails, or expressing any "digestive disturbances" in her presence.  She'll notice.

Don't rely on your looks.  Women are much more attracted to heart.

Call when you say you will, and show up when you say you will.  Your integrity is a signifi­cant factor in her trusting you.  And trusting you is a significant factor in her opening her heart to you.  And her open heart is a signifi­cant factor in her opening sexually to you.  A woman wants you to be dependable. As a client once shared - "How can I trust him with my body, when I can't trust him to show up on time?" 

A personal and pertinent card bought from a card store trumps an e-card.  Her favorite flowers bought by you at a florist trump grocery store flowers.  A phone call trumps a text message or an e-mail.

23.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THOSE HORMONES.