GBLTQ II

From the Editor

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Pam Babbitt, Editor  

 

The ‘B’ in GBLT - Sermon on Bisexuality
 Jim Zacharias, Ph.D.,  LMFT

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In the bifurcated world in which we live, where convention tells us that people are either gay or straight, it is not possible to place us in one box or the other. Thus, we have sometimes found ourselves without allies among either gays or straights. This is clearly depicted in the 1994 film “Go Fish,” which provides an intimate look into the lesbian community. A scene in the middle of the movie shows a group of lesbians challenging and attacking one of their own for sleeping with a man. This kind of reaction to bisexuality is not unusual. The hostility shown in this film suggests that bisexuals pose a serious threat to our present concept of sexual identity.

The most alarmist of all the myths, is that bisexuals are disease carriers. The judgment placed on us was that we were stealth assassins bringing AIDS to heterosexuals. In the health section of the July 13, 1987 issue of Newsweek magazine, the sub headline read: “In the AIDS era, bisexuals are becoming the ultimate pariahs.” The text of that article, however, described the scattered studies as inconclusive and the writer went on to say, “So far, there has been no evidence that bisexuals are passing the disease from the gay to the straight community at anything like an over-whelming rate.” Despite the lack of conclusive evidence, this myth was effective in driving bisexuals into greater secrecy. Prior to the onset of AIDS, many bisexuals were coming out of the closet. This alarmist rhetoric made us AIDS scapegoats and sent us back into hiding. Gradually, we have cautiously started back out of the closet…well, some of us not so cautiously.

I suspect that reactions to what I am saying, are varied. This topic may seem shocking to some, others may find it mildly interesting although not relevant to your lives. However, some of you may find yourself nodding in agreement (if only internally) to the points that I have raised. In fact, noted sexologist John Money and journalist Patricia Tucker in their book Sexual Signatures: On Being a Man or Woman say:

“…all (people) are capable of bisexual behavior. In fact, it is safe to say that every adult…has, in fantasy, engaged in some form of bisexual behavior, if not physical contact, to some degree at some time in his or her life.” (p.16)

We do not see our orientation as temporary, experimental, or limited, but rather choose to expand our emotional, sensual, sexual relationships with both sexes as an ongoing way to connect with other people.

Leonard Bernstein, a self-affirmed bisexual loved his wife in every way, including sexually. His same sex relationships blossomed mostly before their marriage and then again after she died. After he had told his last lover, Mark Taylor, that he loved him, Taylor asked him if he had loved his wife in the same way. “Oh yes, passionately,” he said. “Everyone I love, I love passionately.”

It’s not who we love, it’s how we love that matters. It is not a matter of making up our minds, nor is it fence sitting, for there is no fence dividing us. Inclusion is the clarity that marks our orientation. I see bisexuality as a testimony to the fluid nature of human sexuality.

For many years I chose not to speak out. I claimed heterosexual privilege. By not speaking out or educating others, I was also denying a part of myself. Some writers in the field call that a misuse of power and privilege. In owning our identity, we solidify our community, our visibility; we turn fear into strength and, hopefully, dispel the myths, and legends.

There is much that bisexuality has to contribute. I echo Starhawk’s sentiments in the reading shared this morning. She says our struggle is “affirming, pleasuring, variety, diversity, fluidity, as sacred values…" As bisexuals we have a broad base of sensual experience. We have loved a body that reminded us of our own. We have loved bodies unlike our own. The experience of this kind of diversity in sexuality and sensuality is powerful and has the potential to carry over into the rest of our lives. There is much in this experience to teach us about loving ourselves and understanding differences.

In this community we are more than straight, gay, and lesbian. Expanding our inclusion and naming the extent of our diversity allows us to live in a world where no words, labels, or walls separate us. As affirming people, may we support and nurture one another. Let us open ourselves to understanding, embracing, and celebrating the magical, fluid range of relationship possibilities open to everyone. As we learn in spite of fear, and affirm despite our reservations, we become a truly welcoming congregation.