Sex & Sensuality
Relationships
Tantra

Men

Abusing the wicked stick
Adjusting the antenna
Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Audition your hand puppet
Backstroke roulette
Badgering the witness
Barking up the wrong tree
Bash the candle
Being rough with the sex stick
Be your own best friend
Beat the bologna
Beat the dummy
Beat the meat
Beat the stick
Bleed the weed
Blow your own horn
Bop the bonzo
Brushing up on your typing skills
Buff the banana
Building upper-body strength
Caning the vandal
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Charm the snake
Check for testicular cancer
Clamp the pipe
Clean your rifle
Clear the snorkel
Climb the tree
Combing your hair
Communing with nature
Consulting with your silent partner
Crank the love pump
Crank the shank
Crimp the wire
Crown the king
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Debugging the hard drive
Defrosting the fridge
Do handiwork
Do it your way
Do the janitor thing
Dry humping the ottoman
Eating grapes with the one-armed man
Electing the President
Engage in safe sex
Exercise one's right
Exercising your right to privacy
Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
Feed the ducks
Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
Feeling your way around
Fiddle the flesh flute
Firing the pound gun
Fishing with dynamite
Fist your mister
Five knuckle shuffle
Flick your Bic
Fling your phallus
Flip the bishop
Flipping your omelet
Flog the bishop
Flog the dolphin
Flog the dong
Fondle your flagpole
Free Willy
Frost the pastries
Frosting your maple bar
Frying up the corndog
Get a date with Slick Mittens
Get the German soldier marching
Get to know yourself
Get your pole varnished
Give it a tug
Give your low five
Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money
Go a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
Go blind
Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Go the blow
Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader's head
Submitted by Jake W.
Goose the gherkin
Grease the pipe
Greasing the three-legged cow
Hand job
Hard labor
Have one off the wrist
Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college
Hitchhike to heaven
Hitchhike underneath the big top
Hitting too close to home
Hoisting your own petard
Hold the bishop
Hold the sausage hostage
Holding your own
Hone the cone
Honk your horn
Hosing down the driveway
Hotfooting it to the nearest exit
Hug the hog
Hump your hose
Investing in pork bellies
Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell
Jack hammer
Jazz yourself
Jerk Jamby
Jerk the gherkin
Left to your own devices
Letting the cat out of the bag
Liquidating the inventory
Locking the bathroom door
Look for ticks
Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne
Lope the mule
Love the Muppet
Love's labors lost
Lubricating the love monkey
Make a foreskin cone
Make instant pudding
Make the bald man puke
Making the bread rise
Making the world safe for democracy
Mangle the midget
Manipulate the mango
Manual labor
Manual override
Milk the lizard
Milk the moose
Milk the self
Mount a corporal and four
Much goo about nothing
Nerk your throbber
Null the void
One gun salute
One man band
One-night-stand with yourself
Opening the flood gates
Pack your palm
Painting the flag pole
Painting the picket fence
Palm the calm
Paying at the turnpike
Peel the banana
Pet the lizard
Pip the pumpkin
Play a little five-on-one
Play a one-stringed guitar
Play five against one
Play in a one-man show
Play peek-a-boo
Play pocket pinball
Play pocket pool
Play tag with the pink torpedo
Play the skin flute
Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
Play Uno
Playing it safe
Playing the one-stringed melody
Playing the single-string air guitar
Plugging in the toaster
Plunk your twanger
Polish Percy in your palm
Polish the family jewels
Polish the helmet
Polish the rocket
Polish the sword
Pound off
Pound the bald-headed moose
Prepare the carrot
Prime the pump
Pull your own leg
Pull your taffy
Pulling your own weight
Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap
Pump the python
Pump the stump
Punch the clown
Punch the munchkin
Punish Percy in your palm
Putting your best foot forward
Putting your foot down
Putting your thumb in the porridge
Raining on your parade
Ram the ham
Relishing your hot dog
Riding the five-legged pony
Roll your own
Rolling it off the lot
Romeo and himself
Rope the pony
Rope the Pope
Rub one out
Rub the pink eraser
Rubbing Buddha's tummy
Run off a batch by hand
Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
Safest sex
Sailing the mayonnaise seas
Saluting the general
Sampling the secret sauce
Sand wood
Scour the tower of power
Scraping the bottom of the barrel
Scratch the itch
Screwing your courage to the sticking place
Secret handshake
Self abuse
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Sex with someone you really love
Shake hands with Abe Lincoln
Shake the sauce
Shake the sausage
Shift gears
Shine the helmet
Shine your pole
Shoot for the moon
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot the airplane
Shooting yourself in the foot
Shuck your corn
Sizing things up
Slam the ham
Slam the salami
Slam the salmon
Slam the Spam
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap it
Slap pappy
Slap the carrot
Slap the clown
Slap the donkey
Solo sex
Spank Elvis
Spank the bishop
Spank the frank
Spank the monkey
Spank the salami
Spank the wank
Spanking the rooster
Squeeze your cheese-dog
Squeezing the happy lumberjack
Stewing in your own juices
Stinky pinky
Stir the batter
Stir the yogurt
Strain the main vein
Straining your cabbage
Stretching the truth
Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
Stroke the carrot
Take matters into your own hands
Take part in population control
Take the fifth
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Tending to your own affairs
Test your batteries
That crazy hand jive
Thrash your thing
Thump the pump
Thump your thong
Tickle the ivory
Tickle the pickle
Tickle the taco
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Tipping off the inspector
Toss the snag
Toss the turkey
Toss yogurt
Tug the slug
Varnish the flagpole
Varnishing the banister
Visiting with Papa Smurf
Wake the dead
Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Wash the meat
Wax the Buick
Wax the carrot
Wax the dolphin
Waxin' n' Milkin'
Whack it
Whack the weasel
Whack Willy
Whip the dummy
Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
Whip the one-eyed worm
Whip the rat
Whip the stiff
Whip the wire
Whip up some sour cream
Whip your dripper
Whitewashing with Huck and Tom
Whittle the stick
Wiggling your walrus
Windsurf on Mount Baldy
Working late at the office
Working up a foamy lather
Wring out your rope
Wrist aerobics
Yank the crank
Yank the yo-yo